It occurs to me that I’ve learned an important life lesson: I’d been thinking that my sex with The Pedant got way hotter because we stopped using condoms, but no. The increased hotness came from his amped-up responses (which, okay, were probably caused by the lack of barriers/increased sensation – but he’s reached the same fervour with condoms on occasion) and the way he’s been making eye contact lately during sexytimes. When – during our most recent bareback experiences – he was relatively quiet and keeping his eyes shut…meh*.
So even if one of our STI tests comes back blemished and we resume using condoms every time, it’s not going to mean the end of hot sex forever. There’s still hope. Which is kind of a relief.
Also, upon analysis of some recent blog posts, it looks like The Pedant suddenly started acting differently/more intimately with me shortly after I first suggested we go without condoms. It’s weird…we had the bareback discussion (and he initially said no, he didn’t want to stop using protection with me). Then we had one visit where he acted weird in the beginning but eventually returned to normal, and one outing for his birthday where he seemed to be kind of aloof (but we were in public and with his friends, so of course he wasn’t going to be making out with me or anything). And then, suddenly, a visit where he was super turned on and super affectionate…and he went ahead and had sex with me without a condom. And purposely made eye contact during sex with me for the first time ever. And was uncharacteristically verbally effusive about seeing me. And has been seeing me more often than usual ever since (approximately once a week instead of every 2-3 weeks).
It’s kind of seeming as though my offer of unprotected sex made The Pedant like me more. Or made him feel safe to express an affection he’d felt all along. Or something. I don’t understand why it took a few weeks for that to kick in, though. What made him go from declining my offer of barebacking (and seeing me twice without mentioning said offer, and if anything seeming less into me than usual) to this? I mean I’m certainly not complaining about the changes but I’m really curious to know what went on in his head there.
*I wonder if the fact that I initiated the barebackitude those two times made him withhold eye contact and be less vocal? Like, maybe he wasn’t quite in the right headspace and was worrying about STIs or whatever and it kinda threw off his game.