I finally had it out with The Pedant (via email) about the way he keeps blathering on and on about the hotness of very petite women (a sore spot for me because I am 6′ tall and have been made to feel undesirable for it in the past).
He responded by protesting that he was only going on about petite women to encourage me to explore my attraction to Pixie (who is little). Evidently he’s forgotten about the many other times he’s said insensitive things to me*.
The Pedant’s reply also said that my height was a point in my favour when he was first getting to know me (I wonder what changed, ha ha) and said in future I shouldn’t wait around to address these issues with him.
I wish he’d been more effusive in his response to me (“Your height was a point in your favour” is nothing compared to the laudatory things he says about other women) but overall this was a decent response. I like that he specifically asked me to bring shit up fast and not let it fester.
I replied to him citing several examples of his buffoonery so he understands this isn’t just about the Pixie situation, and telling him outright that I need him to stop talking up other women, start talking me up, or both. I said I don’t care that he’s attracted to other women – even if they’re from a very different demographic than mine – but I do care that he seems more into them than he is into me; I don’t want to feel second-best. And I assured him that I will be calling him out on it immediately if he starts obsessing on the hotness of other women in future.
*Like…after the first or second time we ever had sex, when I complained that my thighs were sore, he said that tiny women are awesomely compatible with him in bed (in part) because their legs are shorter so when they’re on top during sex, they don’t have to have their knees so far apart, and therefore they don’t get sore afterwards like me. So, pretty much a blatant statement that shorter women are better and if I were short I wouldn’t have been in pain right then.
Another time, he told me he loves the contrast of a tiny woman being dominant, and in a girl/girl situation he’d prefer to see a smaller woman dominating a larger one rather than vice-versa. Yup, that’s right, he came right out and said that short-and-dominant is sexier to him than tall-and-dominant. OH HAI PEDANT I DON’T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS BUT I’M TALL AND DOMINANT AND I’M SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU HEARING YOUR WORDS.