Buh?

The Pedant says Pixie sent him multiple texts bragging about how our evening went.

It’s…it’s like she and I went on two completely different dates!

As much as that night was kind of torture for me, the fact remains that this is a woman who’s given me tingly feelings (which is rare) and who, it turns out, is actually interested in me (also rare, to the best of my knowledge).  And she’s leaving for school in September so no matter how badly I fuck things up, it can’t get too weird.

I may give this another date or two.  I know sometimes I’m a spaz at first and loosen up later on.  This may be a time to apply benefit of the doubt.

But!  I will make subsequent dates short and/or give us lots of stuff to do besides stare at each other across a table, and if there are makeouts I will start being bossypants about her touching me back and stuff.  It’s entirely possible she’s just nervous, plus she knows I’m dominant so maybe she assumes I’ll tell her what to do.  And I don’t mind telling partners what to do.  So…yeah.  It’s hilarious that I should be the one taking the lead in sexytimes when I have far less experience, but I think it could work – especially since part of my “taking the lead” would be instructing her to tell me what she likes.

Oh, I forgot to mention one thing about that ill-fated date: DRAG KINGS ARE AWESOME.  Holy shit.  Sexy swagger plus unusually large and expressive eyes (for a guy) equals RAWR.  One of these dudes, I swear, looked like a thinner, wispier Jake Gyllenhall (and he was popular, too – chicks were running up on stage to give him lapdances and offer him money from their cleavage.  Which he took with his mouth).  Another dude was, facially, kind of a cross between David Bowie and Robert Palmer, and when he lip-synced his songs he’d come right up to you and make flirty eye contact (not all of the performers interacted like that).  I felt my heart go pitter-pat in spite of myself.

I am having so many confusing feelings lately.

Experienced bii-chicks in the audience: how did you know you were bi?  What was your first time with a woman like?  Did you feel comfortable with her genitals immediately or was it weird at first?  How did that sex compare to your first time with a guy?

Tell me stuff.

 

8 Comments

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8 responses to “Buh?

  1. Fnord

    Not a chick, and not even really experienced, but second hand… I know an experienced (bi male) top who makes frequent use of the idea that, in his words, “honesty is obedience, openness is submission” in order to get his partners to open up about their feelings, desires, and expectations. So I can tell you that:
    1) You’re not the only person who’s dealt with this sort of thing in submissive people.
    2) At least one person has found it helpful to put the “talk to me dammit” issue in a D/s frame.

  2. Just A Slut

    Oy. Lol. My bisexuality didn’t hit until I was about 19 or twenty. I’m 28 (oy). I always quietly checked women out but never had the nerve to approach one. Most of these women seemed so pretty and experienced and at the time I felt so plain and awkward.

    J was my first sexual relationship. She was HOOOT with a capital triple X. We had made out a few times playfully (girls gone wild friends tend to get a lot od free drinks lol)

    The sex came once at a pool. She asked me to rub lotion on her back and we were at her pool so there was enough privacy for her to ditch the top and lay on her belly. I hate the color pink but she wore this pink bikini and make it look great. She asked me if I was interested in women and I said I was interested in her.

    I finished with her lotion and she brought us each some drinks and then kissed me. I didn’t know what to do, I was shocked. But I held her at the waist and ran my hands up and down her back. She planted my hands above my head and kissed my neck and bit my shoulder. She stopped and told me we could keep going or I would go home. YIKES. Needless to say I stayed. I was sercretly grateful she gave me something to do withmy hands. She was very assertive and sensual.

    She could have been a domme but wasn’t. With the way she spread my legs…put it this way, if she were to call, I think I would still come running up like a poodle on a leash. We lost touch.

    Looking back, If I were in a possition where my hands were able to roam with out me feeling I wasn’t allowed I wouldn’t have known what to do with them. My main thought process was I didn’t want to stop kissing her. I loved the way she kissed. She had a perfect lips, tongue and teeth combination to turn a basic kiss, into a smoldering fire.

    Just A Slut

  3. Andy

    I’ve known I was…well, Not Straight since I hit puberty. Maybe since I was 11 or 12 or so? I still have periods of waffling on the label, though. I like to say I’m rounding myself off to bisexual, because I’m certainly not straight and I’m certainly not gay. My favorite way of explaining myself these days is using the radar chart model which is something like this (this isn’t mine, just an example from Google) http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh150/mekaitlin/radar.jpg The basic idea of this is that there doesn’t necessarily have to be a correlation between whom you want to sleep with, whom you want to ogle, whom you want to be in a relationship with, whom you want to dominate or be dominated by, etc. (That graph doesn’t have axes for BDSM, but it can easily be expanded to include whatever acts or dynamics you like.)

    My first time with a woman was very hot but also INCREDIBLY FRIGHTENING for a variety of reasons. NO, I was not comfortable with ANYTHING. For one thing, I was petrified my mother was going to rush in, grab me up and burn me on a pyre. I was also scared of BEING scared of genitalia, because my self-identification has always been pretty tenuous and I was worried about being a ~fake bi~. I know that sounds like an absolutely ridiculous fear to have, but I think a lot of queer people tend to get caught up in posturing every now and then. (In the end, I’ve sort of had to come to terms with the fact that I’m just equally terrified of all unknown genitalia and if I’m scared of both boys’ bits and girls’ bits, that still evens out to bisexual :D)

    My first time with a boy was different, but not so much because it was a boy and more because of the circumstances. I was still petrified 😀

    So! Now I’ve written out the answers to your questions, but I don’t think they’re going to help you in any way. There are just too many variables that make everyone’s experience unique. Plus, different people describe bisexuality in very different ways. If you look at that radar chart: is bisexuality about feeling the same towards men and women on each axis? Or is it enough to feel strongly about men and women but on totally different axes? If so, do some axes “count” more than others? My flavour of bisexuality, if you will, definitely falls more into the latter category so if I’m talking with someone who considers themselves more in the former category, we’re basically going to talk right past each other.

    • I was also scared of BEING scared of genitalia, because my self-identification has always been pretty tenuous and I was worried about being a ~fake bi~. I know that sounds like an absolutely ridiculous fear to have

      No, it doesn’t. It really, really doesn’t. That fear is the whole reason why I asked those questions in my post. 😛 It’s also why I balked at The Pedant fixing me up with Pixie – because I’m terrified I’ll have sex with her and turn out not to enjoy it all that much and then she’ll think I’m a shitty straight girl who was just “experimenting.” I’m terrified of hurting anyone’s feelings.

      My one consolation is that I plan to give (or try to give) her a whole bunch of orgasms. My impression is that most “fake bi” chicks lie back and accept pleasure from a girl and don’t feel compelled to give any back because EW VULVA.

      I find that graph confusing to look at but I understand your verbal description of all the different axes and whatnot – it actually ties into the angsting I was doing here: https://perversecowgirl.wordpress.com/2013/05/26/insert-allegory-re-baby-ducks-and-imprinting-here/

      And yeah…maybe my problem is that I assume “bi” means feeling the same sexually about men and women (not necessarily being attracted to the two genders in equal proportions, but having exactly the same kind of feelings for men as for women when feelings present themselves). And for me, that might not be how it works. Which I guess is common and fine.

      I feel a little better now – thank you. 🙂

      So! Now I’ve written out the answers to your questions, but I don’t think they’re going to help you in any way. There are just too many variables that make everyone’s experience unique.

      But, see, it’s helpful to me either way. If every bi-chick EVAR described her feelings toward women the exact same way, and they described things I do not feel, then I’d know where I stand And if a bunch of bi-chicks described their feelings in different ways, I’d feel reassured that I’m probably not a freak regardless of how my brain is approaching girl-sexuality – that it’s complicated and there’s not actually a thick dotted line between REAL and FAKE.

      Mostly, I just feel kind of alone and confused and it’s good to talk to others who’ve been through it and survived. 😛

  4. gingernic

    One of my earliest crushes was on fraternal twins, a boy and a girl, so I guess I’ve basically known about being bisexual since puberty. Putting the word to it didn’t happen til high school, though. I had my first girlfriend at seventeen. The first time we had sex was awkward as hell–both of us were shy and inexperienced. I was distinctly worried by the idea that her genitals were prettier than mine. There was never any “ew, vulva!” moment. Really I don’t understand how even completely straight women could have quite that strong of a reaction: masturbation involves touching female genitals, so they can’t be that gross or unfamiliar.

    First time with a man a year later was also awkward as hell. More so, because it was a disappointing experience. The guy declared that clearly there was something wrong with me because I did not orgasm from about five minutes of vanilla PIV intercourse, and part of my brain said “hm, maybe he’s right and I’m just a lesbian.” Of course the smart part of my brain said “hey, I think this dude is just boring in bed, try another one,” and that part was right.

    I definitely don’t feel attracted to men and women in quite the same way, much like my attraction to a dominant person tends to differ from my attraction to a submissive, but they’re all distinctly sexual feelings.

    • I’m really enjoying hearing people’s stories. Thank you very much for adding yours!

      One thing I want to address:

      There was never any “ew, vulva!” moment. Really I don’t understand how even completely straight women could have quite that strong of a reaction: masturbation involves touching female genitals, so they can’t be that gross or unfamiliar.

      1) Devil’s advocate says: does this mean you’d be fine with wiping someone else’s ass because you’ve regularly wiped your own?

      2) I think girl parts have a lot more variance than guy parts do, so yeah…there’s potential for unfamiliarity. And weird smells, both from pheromones and differing diet/lifestyle choices. Pixie is a smoker. I wonder how much that will taint her lady bits?

      3) I’m…special. https://perversecowgirl.wordpress.com/2010/10/20/girl-parts/

      • gingernic

        Er, yes, that was poorly phrased. The underlying thought was more “a specific aversion/disgust reaction to female genitalia is neither necessary nor sufficient grounds to call a woman straight.” Obviously there are people with an aversion to just about everything, for just about every reason.

        As for (1)…I was the oldest of four kids and have been a caretaker for a disabled family member. Yup, okay with wiping other butts. I don’t like it at all, but I’m not gonna throw a tantrum if it absolutely has to happen.

        (2) there is some variance, seems for some women smoking correlates to funky taste but I’ve encountered exceptions. Vegan smokers who don’t believe in deodorant or commercial laundry detergent and hike a lot are best avoided.

        (3) huh. Interesting. (And yay for Hitachis, for all you people who love them!) it’s perfectly possible to be sexually attracted to a person while not being attracted to their genitals, right? E.h. I don’t know if I could have penetrative sex with an uncircumcised man, but I could still crush on/date/scene with/do other sexy things. This may be abnormal behavior though…

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