Okay, so the date with the girl…
Here’s some background. This girl – we’ll call her Pixie – is a friend of The Pedant’s. I met her at his recent birthday lunch, and I thought she was cute and had a purely aesthetic crush on her (since she didn’t talk enough for me to really get to know her).
When I mentioned this to The Pedant, he revealed that Pixie is in fact a lesbian, and became fixated on hooking us up. He offered to tell Pixie I was into her and I said noooooooo, don’t do that, I’m not even sure how much into women I am so he’d be getting me in way over my head. So instead he just texted her “Cowgirl says hi” – to which she replied that she’d been checking me out at the birthday thing. (At least, this is how The Pedant claims their text conversation went. I wasn’t there for it.)
Shortly after that, Pixie friended me on Facebook and I flirted as best I could – but I’m a total spaz with women I think I might be attracted to, and tend to freeze like a deer in headlights, so I’m not saying the flirting was any good. It did the job though I guess because apparently Pixie told The Pedant she was definitely interested in me.
During The Pedant’s last visit, Pixie invited the two of us to a bar to hear some friend of hers sing. She got there first and was tipsy by the time we arrived. She power-flirted with me – told me I looked amazing, worked the fact that she’s submissive into conversation, felt the fabric of my dress and marvelled at how soft it was, stuff like that – and I thanked her but otherwise had no idea how to react.
Soon after she felt the material of my dress, Pixie said “I hope you don’t think I’m being too forward, but may I kiss you?”
There we go. That, I knew how to react to. I smiled, took her chin lightly in my fingers, and planted a kiss on her lips. I leaned and said in her ear, “Directness makes things so much easier” and then we kissed some more. Well, a lot more. Normally I don’t like to make out too extremely in public, but I kind of…didn’t know what else to do. It was too loud to talk effectively and she kept giving me huge laser-beam flirty eyes and I just got sucked in.
Oh, and after the first kiss or two she said “You don’t have to be gentle with me,” which just…RAWR. I asked if biting was acceptable and she said “completely.”
The Pedant, meanwhile, was sitting a short distance away. It seemed like he was watching the musical acts, but when I touched base with him a little later it turned out he’d been keeping tabs on exactly what was happening. And he told me that Pixie at one point had made eye contact with him and given him a thumbs up while she and I were making out. 😛
How did I feel about the kissing, you ask? Well, I wasn’t physically turned on, but then again that also happens with dudes these days and I was all nervous and new and whatever, so that might not mean anything. It was nice, though. The first thing I always notice when I’m kissing a girl (which has happened, oh, three or four times before this) is that her mouth area is really, really soft. Even a very cleanshaven guy has whiskers under the surface of his skin that coarsen the texture. Most chicks obviously don’t have this issue. The softness is…nice. 😀
At one point, Pixie got up for a smoke (yeah, she smokes…blech) and in her absence, someone claimed her chair. The bar was really crowded so I didn’t feel I could reasonably tell the person not to sit there in that perfectly empty chair. When Pixie returned, I scooted back in my own chair and planted my feet wide apart so she could sit on the edge of the seat between my thighs, with her back to my front. She kept giving me more laser-beam flirty eyes over her shoulder, and so (though you’d think the position would’ve been awkward for her) we kissed a bunch more. I began to get a little bit feisty with her, pulling her head back by the hair and wrapping my hand around her throat. It was too loud in the bar to hear it, but I felt her moan against my palm. My first girl experiences back in high school were totally awkward and wooden so it was thrilling to actually make a girl react.
Eventually, The Pedant and I decided to get going; Pixie stayed to hang with her musician friend. And a day or so later she messaged me on Facebook asking if I wanted to go grab a beverage later that week. Which was tonight. So.
We met at a coffee shop (this was a test on my part; Pixie had had a lot of drinks at the bar that time and I sensed a possible case of alcoholism. I suggested a cafe for our first official date because wanted to see if she’d consent to non-alcoholic beverages without complaint. She did).
I really wasn’t sure what to expect. She’d been super straightforward last time, with the asking to kiss me within the first five minutes and everything, but it struck me that perhaps in the cold light of day she’d feel a little sheepish about the public display (or just realize she should probably get to know me instead of just kissing me). And yeah, that seems to be the deal. She was very reticent with me; not even a peck hello.
She was also awkward as hell. Probably we don’t have much in common (NB: she’s 22) but also she answered all my questions as briefly as possible and didn’t ask me anything or volunteer much information. She was still giving me flirty eyes, and she agreed enthusiastically with pretty much anything I said, so I don’t think it’s that she’d suddenly lost interest in me. I guess she just didn’t know how to talk.
Sample conversation (paraphrased):
Me: I really like this cafe. The gelato is amazing.
Pixie: Yeah! Totally!
[Excruciating awkward silence.]
Me: So, do you come here a lot?
Pixie: Yeah! The Pedant and I hang out here sometimes.
[Excruciating awkward silence.]
I decided small talk was just never going to take off with us, so I started delving into more personal stuff: I asked her about her submissiveness, what she was looking for in a dom, etc. That helped open her up a little bit, but not by much. After feeling like I was quizzing her for like ten straight minutes, I said “…Was there anything you wanted to ask me?” – HNT HINT – and she said no, she’s not good at thinking of things to ask people, she just likes to kind of go with the flow. And then we sat there in dead silence for forty-five seconds, staring down at our hands, until I thought of a next thing to say.
Eventually, somehow, the topic of drag kings came up and Pixie said there’s a show on Wednesdays downtown that she likes to go to sometimes. I commented that it would be super cool to watch drag kings perform, and she reminded me that today is Wednesday so we could totally go that night. I said okay…which left us with about three hours to kill beforehand. I did not think that through.
I suggested we get out of the cafe and take a walk in the park or something; Pixie enthusiastically agreed to this. It had gotten colder outside though so we stopped at her place so she could get a jacket, then stopped at my place so I could get mine. I parked Pixie in the bedroom so she could say hi to Bastardcat, and then I used the bathroom and dug up a fuzzy-lined hoodie to wear.
When I came back into the bedroom, Pixie was sitting on the edge of the bed, playing with Bastardcat. She’d taken off her jacket, which I took as a hint that she was open to us not leaving the apartment again right away. Despite our awkward conversation, I was finding myself attracted to her; I was wanting to touch her (and wondering if breaking the ice physically might help with the talking stuff). I kept hoping Pixie would initiate something like she had at the bar, but no.
Finally – although I wasn’t sure I was welcome and it scared me shitless – I leaned across Bastardcat and kissed her. She received it well, and pretty soon I gently pushed her backward so she was lying on the bed (her legs still over the edge) and I straddled her. “If this is too much or too fast or anything, you can tell me” I said (her FetLife profile has a whole spiel about wanting to get to know someone before she goes too far with them, so I wasn’t sure how much she would let me do). She said so far everything was just fine. “I have no particular plan here,” I said, “I just want to play a little bit.” She said “playing is nice.”
We made out for a while, and it struck me that she wasn’t contributing to the makeouts in any way aside from kissing me back. I caressed Pixie’s face and arms, kissed my way down her neck to her cleavage and found a few spots along the way that made her moan, chickened out of going any further, and kissed my way back up, and the whole time she was just lying back and receiving my attentions with her arms at her sides. When I put her hand on my hip, she kept it there but didn’t move it around or anything. I will say, though, that her soft little moans and hitches of breath did turn me on (I kind of wanted to dry hump her, to be honest, but she was being so…subtle in her own responses that this would have seemed crass). I was curious to go further – maybe get her topless, at least, and see if I’m any good at stimulating someone’s boobs – but she wasn’t taking her clothes off, or moving her clothes aside to give me better access, or even moaning super hard when my mouth approached the edge of her tank top so I’d know that I might be welcome to move it aside, so I wasn’t sure what to do.
I backed up, smiled at Pixie, and said “How are you doing?” she smiled back, said she was fine, asked how I was doing. I said I was good. I debated telling her that I have almost no experience with women – I thought maybe if she knew that, she’d be clearer about what she wanted and give explicit directions and stuff. But then it occurred to me that a confession like that might make her even more awkward than before. I didn’t want to chance it, so I kept silent and we kissed a little more and then I segued into conversation instead and we decided to leave for the drag king bar.
I just don’t get it. If Pixie was attracted to me, why wasn’t she touching me? She’s the one who identifies as lesbian, she’s the one who initially did the pursuing, and yet most of the passion in our makeouts seemed to come from me (and this was true at the bar a few nights ago, too; I just didn’t consciously notice it at the time). Perhaps she’s just such a sub that she expects me to do all the work…if so, I think we’re not compatible. I like to take charge and be on top but I want my partner to seem into me, dammit! This means touching me back. If Pixie and I ever make out again I’m going to specifically tell her to do that. That’s if we make out again. 😛
We arrived at the bar long before the drag king show was slated to start, and we seriously just sat there staring at our own fingers for most of that time. A few times during the course of the night (once en route to the bar and a couple of times at the bar) I reached over and stroked her hair and/or neck (more to break the horrible awkwardness than anything); she would go all still and her eyes would flutter closed, and when my fingers stopped moving she’d give me a little peck on the lips. And yet at no time did she initiate anything with me. No leaning against me; no putting her hand over mine; no stroking of my neck or hair.
At the end of the night she pecked me on the lips one last time and thanked me for coming out with her, but I honestly have no idea whether she actually had a good time or would want to do it again.
On one hand, I’m not getting any signs that she’s particularly into me. Letting me caress her but not caressing back? Responding to everything I say with a smile but with the minimum amount of verbiage, and not contributing anything new to the conversation? These things spell “I am biding my time until I can get the hell away from you” to me.
On the other hand, maybe she’s just awkward at talking. We actually ran into a friend of hers at the bar tonight and even the talking between them was awkward. She might not realize there’s any other way to be, and feels that the evening actually went okay.
Also, sexually, I’m used to dudes; chicks are socialized to be much more passive, so mmmaybe her lack of action doesn’t mean a lack of attraction? I’ve frozen up during unwanted makeouts before and I’m pretty sure that’s not what was happening here; Pixie was relaxed, making happy sounds, and the couple of times I verbally checked in with her she was smiling and her face was slightly flushed.
Ugh, I dunno. I don’t wanna totally let Pixie go, because she sounds like she’d be a compatible sub for me in many ways, and I do think she’s pretty, and I’m intrigued by how turned on I got for a minute when we were going at it and would like to pursue that some more. But at the same time, this evening was pretty rough. And confusing. And awkward. So I think I’m gonna kind of back off and wait for Pixie to contact me. If she doesn’t, so be it.
Can anyone who dates chicks give me any insight into what the hell was up with the one-sided makeouts? Is this common, or what?