Had a fourth date with The Baby Duck. Full-on arousal has finally asserted itself. Yay!
We hung out at his place, talking and sometimes making out. When I told him at our first meeting that I want to move slowly re: sexual/D/s stuff and he said that suited him fine, I thought that meant he was willing to put up with it, not that he actually liked the idea. But no, I’m beginning to think he really did mean that he wants to go slowly, too. I was willing for one of our sporadic bursts of makeouts to progress further, but before things could go anywhere The Baby Duck would always just…casually break off the kissing and resume our conversation. Or sometimes I was the one who did that: I may have been okay with the idea of going further but I’m not desperate for it or anything.
And his brattiness is most definitely turning me on. At one point I asked him to show me a certain pair of high heels he owned, so he ducked into the bedroom and sashayed back in wearing them. No other girlie accoutrements, just his normal boy-clothes plus these rhinestoned spike heels. He stood sassily in front of me so I could admire him.
“Do you own a miniskirt?” I asked.
“I do,” he said. “Why do you ask?”
“I just think those shoes need a miniskirt. Jeans and high heels are just so trashy. But on the bright side, I’ll bet you’re the prettiest girl in the whole trailer park.”
The Baby Duck sat on the couch next to me (not offering to change into that skirt, you’ll notice) and I climbed up to straddle his lap. He said “I’m the prettiest girl in all the trailer parks.” And then we kissed a whole bunch.
At another point in the evening (during which I was still, or again…?, straddling him on the couch), I told him in-between kisses that I was really starting to see why someone would want to shove their cock in his mouth.
“Oh? And why is that?”
“Because! Your mouth is so pretty,” I said. “…And also, it would shut you the hell up.” I think it was during the subsequent kissing that I started to really get turned on – and therefore to get a little rougher with The Baby Duck, pulling his hair, biting his neck and shoulders, and raking my nails down his back and sides. I’d done most of that stuff to him on previous dates (albeit it less passionately) and it didn’t get much of a reaction; that day, my rough handling made him moan.
He’s mentioned that in his youth he was involved with an older dominant woman, and flung himself into the relationship too hard and she took advantage of his trust and naiveté in some pretty scarring ways (he didn’t give details). So, as I said, when he told me he liked the idea of proceeding slowly with me, he probably wasn’t just humouring me. And it seems feasible that he’s vocalizing more now during our makeouts because he’s slowly but surely opening up and beginning to trust me. Which is astoundingly hot.
The Baby Duck gives me exactly what I missed with The Doll: sparring, playfulness, and a sense of having to earn the submission I was given.
So yeah. This is good.
In other news, The Pedant and I saw a movie today (Oblivion) and then wandered around downtown, killing time until my evening modelling gig. We stopped in at a cafe, and as I sat there watching The Pedant eat cake and drink a bottle of Snapple, some obviously mentally disturbed man kept coming in and babbling to the guy behind the counter and then leaving again, over and over. I didn’t catch what he was actually saying.
At one point while walking away from the cafe for the umpteenth time, Disturbed Man caught sight of me for the first time through the window and his gaze seemed to zero in on me. I was like “Ohhhh fuck.”
See, the thing is, men with mental issues tend to be really drawn to my pink hair, and feel a burning need to come up to me and let me know that it’s pink. And then to tell me every other thought that has ever crossed their minds, ever. And I had a feeling this was about to happen again.
And indeed, Disturbed Man did turn right around and head back inside once he saw me…but miraculously he only talked to the counter guy for a minute and then left. Again.
The Pedant finished up his food and drink and we kept walking toward my gig. He suggested we cross the street (even though we were already on the correct side for where we were going) to avoid Disturbed Man, who was pacing around outside the cafe. So we did, only to find that Disturbed Man had crossed further up and was headed toward us. I tensed up for a confrontation, but he just walked on by.
“God, for a minute there I thought he was gonna come up to us,” I said quietly.
The Pedant said “Why do you think I’m still carrying this glass bottle?” and I noticed for the first time that he had indeed retained the empty Snapple bottle from the cafe. “I’m just going to make sure he didn’t turn around to follow us,” The Pedant added, and surreptitiously checked behind us. He checked again after half a block or so and then finally declared us safe and tossed his bottle in a recycling bin.
I have to say, The Pedant’s behaviour there just totally amazed me. I’ve had partners before who would have protected me from an attacker (I think? It’s never actually come to that), but they were never organized about it; they never had a plan. The Pedant was aware of his surroundings, kept an improvised weapon handy, and even checked to make sure the dude wasn’t following us – which frankly hadn’t even occurred to me, even though I’m generally a paranoid person.
I feel kind of guilty at finding this whole protective macho display as hot as I did. As any PUA will tell you, women as a monolith are solely attracted to manly alpha dudes, and this is shallow and unfair and bad and wrong. The female hive mind needs to stop having any kind of preference in men immediately so that every guy has an equal chance of getting laid. Tacitly threatening to beat up a dude for me was definitely alpha behaviour on The Pedant’s part, and therefore I am a bad person for liking it.
-I don’t believe in this “alpha” and “beta” crap (people are made up of a million different traits. Nobody’s going to be awesome or sucky in all of them! Case in point: The Pedant is tall and naturally muscular and kind of a strident asshole…and he’s unemployed, lives with his parents, and doesn’t own a car).
-Many of the qualities I look for in a guy wouldn’t be considered “alpha” anyway. Like, y’know, being sexually submissive and wearing lingerie.
-I’m not swooning over The Pedant’s behaviour because it’s so darned masculine, I’m swooning because a) my parents – who were supposed to protect me from bad people – never did, and that’s left wounds on my psyche that I’m still nursing, and b) I’m living vicariously through The Pedant a little bit. I want to be the one who – when potential badness is about to go down – calmly picks up a bottle and says “It’s okay. I got this.” But I’m not that kind of person. Apparently The Pedant is. And I want what he has.
In still other news, I have a date tomorrow night. With a girl. That’s a long story, which I shall get to if I ever manage to finish my story about The Pedant’s last visit.