Damn. So close…

Went out to a club tonight with Red, her girlfriend, and a couple of other people.  Lo and behold, a guy I had previously lusted after (we’ll call him Strawberry Blonde Ponytail Guy) was there.

Y’know, when I was in my early 20s I could pick up guys in bars no problem.  I’d just stare them down until they got the hint and came over.  Now it doesn’t seem to work like that anymore and I’m not sure why.  It’s tempting to blame it on my age, but that doesn’t make sense to me; people usually assume I’m 25 even when I’m in full daylight or posing naked, so surely to god I look young and hot in a darkened club.

I think I just don’t give off such big obvious I Will Fuck You vibes anymore (because generally, these days, I won’t fuck you.  Not the first night I meet you, anyway).  Also, maybe the people at the particular clubs I go to aren’t into hooking up; I rarely – if ever – see strangers approaching each other and pairing off.  And, I mean, I spend a fair bit of time on the sidelines watching people interact.

But anyway.  When I was dancing and Strawberry Blonde Ponytail Guy was surveying the floor from the sidelines, I tried to catch his eye and lure him over and it didn’t work.  Later, though, Red and I were dancing near SBPG and I was checking him out as blatantly as I dared and I think we made eye contact.  Shortly after that, he drifted over to dance more-or-less in front of me.  This was exactly how I used to pick a dude up; he’d catch my signals and contrive to dance near me, and I’d “dance at him” until he drifted closer and then we were grinding.  Except I’ve never seen anyone grind at this club, and actually I kind of suck at dancing with someone in that way – our rhythms never seem to match and/or the guy’s hips knock me off balance and I almost fall down or something.

So I was fairly sure this guy wasn’t going to dance up on me…but I feel like he did notice me and was perhaps staying in my vicinity on purpose.  And if he did end up dancing up on me I was worried I’d fall over or flail and hit him in the face or he’d try to make conversation and I wouldn’t be able to hear him over the music.  All these possibilities for awkwardness crowded into my head and gave me a sudden attack of shyness.  I should have made my interest a bit more obvious – made eye contact with SBPG and smiled, for instance – but I just couldn’t do it.  I made sure I was facing directly toward him and kinda glanced at his face from time to time but that’s the most I would do.  After a while he angled himself so he was no longer facing me, and I don’t know if this means he was never aware of me to begin with or he was kinda-sorta flirting with me but lost his nerve because I wasn’t giving him enough signals.

When the current song ended, SBPG took a break from dancing…but stayed pretty close to the edge of the dance floor.  I determined that I would go up to him in the near future, tell him I thought he was a great dancer, smile, and walk away (I call this the “ninja compliment” technique – it breaks the ice without pressuring anyone.  If he’s not into me then that’s the end of it, and if he is then I’ve let him know I’m approachable so hopefully he’ll…approach me).

The next song ended, and I realized it was getting late and I should go home.  I said goodbye to Red and everyone…and just as I was rallying my nerve to approach SBPG, he went to go dance again.  I wasn’t feeling bold enough to catch his arm on his way by or anything like that; I just let him go, uncomplimented.  Ah, well.  Maybe there will be other opportunities.

I wish I could at least know whether he was in fact kind of into me tonight.  Knowing I could have him would be almost as good as actually having him.

In other news, I have somehow contrived to meet two FetLIfe boys in a row on Saturday.  I’ve spaced the dates out by several hours and will be taking each guy to a difference place, but still…it feels like there’s potential for my life to turn into an episode of Three’s Company. 😛

One of Saturday’s boys is eighteen, really cute, and wants to be feminized and pegged, by the way.  And I’ve decided that if I feel attracted I’ll take him home then and there.  That way, even if he’s flaky and we never make a second date, at least I’ll have gotten some play.

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One response to “Damn. So close…

  1. Pingback: OVARIES OF STEEL. | hiding in plain sight

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