I don’t think The Pedant has any idea how much I want him.

Comedian Larry Miller has a bit that goes something like “ladies, if you knew how we [men] think about you, you’d never stop slapping us.*”  Yup, that’s about how I feel.  I think I’m over feeling like I love The Pedant or want anything from him aside from regular, friendly sex and companionship, but that sex has me hooked.  Hooked.  On Monday, when I had ten or twelve orgasms in his presence?  I ended up getting myself off another two times after he’d gone, before going to sleep.  And I’ve been hungrily remembering his body and its delicious responses ever since.

I know it’s partly Frisk Week** and sexual chemistry talking and not purely aesthetics (if I wasn’t such a horndog and if he wasn’t so much fun in bed, I might not be so attracted to him), but The Pedant is just the most beautiful fucking thing I’ve ever seen.  Even a dozen orgasms couldn’t take the edge off – I was totally sexually sated and still when The Pedant came into the room fresh out of the shower I had to restrain myself from licking all the water droplets off him.  Grrrrrr fresh clean wet beautiful boy…

I want to assimilate all of his pretty.  I want to literally eat him.  I wanna slit him open like a fuckin’ tauntaun and crawl inside.

Hmmm…maybe it’s best he doesn’t understand the full extent of my attraction.

*See, chicks have no idea that men have sexual thoughts.  How could we, when we don’t have sexual thoughts?   Also, we’ve never been told that men are helplessly libido-driven horndogs who are only after one thing – I mean it’s certainly not a ubiquitous and culturally supported stereotype or anything.  So we just bumble along through life assuming that the most any guy wants is to chastely kiss us on the cheek.  Boy, would we ever be shocked to realize the truth!

**The week before my period, when my hormones make me want to fuck.  A lot.


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5 responses to “WANT.

  1. Leah

    Pfft those kinds of statements about the differences between men and women simply get an eyeroll from me and are dismissed. Even that bit Louis C.K. did, there are elements in what he’s saying where I understand where he’s coming from (I love him to death and wish I could be his friend, but if I were to have sex with him it honestly MIGHT feel like his impression no matter how attracted to his personality I might be…). This same thing goes for the emphasis on the importance of orgasming from PIV, which I simply can’t do. Roll eyes and know that I love sex all the time regardless.

    I relate 100% to your descriptions of sex/desire needs and wants, and to being so visual. So I just shrug and say “meh” because I know in my heart it’s not true, and I have encountered more WOMEN than MEN with high sex needs. I have actually met more men who have low libidos or only want/can have sex infrequently. Because of the perpetuated stereotypes I was incredibly disappointed in my early sex years.

    P.S. Confession: When you don’t write every day I am now finding that I am lacking in interweb fulfillment. I didn’t realize I’ve come to rely on and enjoy your posts so much that I feel a *loss* when they aren’t around.

    • I wish people would define what a “sex drive” even is. It it how often you want sex? How often you want orgasms? What?

      Curiously, I’m fairly sure most people define it by how often a person has (or would like to have) orgasms, and it’s well known that women are generally capable of having multiples while men generally are not, and yet guys still make blanket assumptions about women having lower libidos. And I’m all, excuse me? Let’s compare our personal records for Most Orgasms in One Day, mofo. I’ll kick your ass.

      D’awwwwww. It makes me happy that you like my posts! Maybe I’m mistaken but I feel like when I post things more frequently, I get fewer comments – which makes me feel like my constant blathering must be boring people.

      Doesn’t stop me from posting whenever I feel like it, obviously, but it’s still that much nicer to know someone likes it when I’m prolific.

      • Andy

        I don’t know if I agree about the sex-drive definition (which you mentioned in your Super Long post as well). I think most people *would* define a sex drive as how often they want *sex*, not orgasms. The problem is that we don’t entirely have a proper definition for *sex* either! To person A, the essence of sex might lie in penetration, so person A will probably correlate their sex drive with their desire to penetrate/be penetrated. To person B, the essence of sex might specifically lie in being penetrated with a penis, so they’ll correlate their sex drive with their desire to do that. To person C, the essence of sex might be physical closeness with another person, or emotional closeness or in feeling pleasure in their genitalia or whatever. Someone might even require several circumstances to be present before something is sex (e.g., it’s only sex if there’s penetration AND one of us comes). But, actually, just from what I’ve picked up from popular culture, I don’t think most people think the essence of sex is JUST orgasms, because then there’d likewise be a public idea that a high sex drive can be satisfied via masturbation, and that’s definitely NOT the public perception. So I think the pop culture idea of a high sex drive has to be desire for orgasms plus…something. Maybe a desire for orgasms induced via PIV exclusively. (Gay boys may substitute anal and obviously lesbians have no sex or sex drives.)

        (Of course, I’m just trying to guess at the mainstream definition here. I certainly don’t subscribe to that idea since I think about sex ALL THE GODDAMN TIME when I’m not feeling sick and I really couldn’t give a damn about orgasms.)

        • Leah

          Definitely – as with MOST personal things, I would imagine there are a wide variety of definitions for libido and sex drive. For me personally, it means how often I want to do sexual activity FOR ME. If I give head it won’t satisfy my libido; only ramp it up. And sometimes I’m okay with that obvs. So typically it’s whether or not I get oral or penetration via penis. For me.

      • Leah

        Yeah, it’s crazy how it had to be at least a year between my commenting, but I don’t think I have missed a post (I subscribe to your feed so I get emailed when you post – though it always ends up in my junk mail no matter what I do. Lucky for me I check my junk mail several times a day). I relate really well to a lot of your thoughts and experiences, and I like the way you write. 🙂

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