Bareback

Believe it or not, I’ve used condoms my entire life – even during my nine-year marriage.  My husband had talked about getting a vasectomy but never did, and my other birth control options all sounded horrifying, so yeah.

I let my very first boyfriend fuck me once or twice without a condom back when I was 17, and my husband and I kinda did a “let’s stick it in without a condom just for a minute to see what it feels like” thing once or twice (that would’ve been ten years ago now, maybe longer).  I don’t even remember what those incidents with the boyfriend felt like.  I do remember really loving the sensation and intimacy of the times with my husband, but we were super terrified that I’d get pregnant so he never stayed in there for long.  I feel like I’m the only woman on Earth (the only one my age, anyway) who doesn’t really know what bareback feels like.  And for some stupid reason (stupid because I’m functionally single at the moment) I’m becoming super curious about it.

The Pedant had a vasectomy back when he was twenty or so.  And I like and trust him.  And he’s uncut; my husband was, too, and I remember that a big part of the thrill of going condomless was being able to actually feel his foreskin shifting around independently from his penis – I kinda think a circumcised guy would feel the same wrapped as unwrapped so bareback would be pointless.

Sooooo, I just texted The Pedant, “Question: would you be open to us NOT using condoms sometime?  (Subject to certain conditions.)”  Maybe it’s weird to text something that personal, but the idea is so much on my mind that I couldn’t wait til our next meet-up to say something (Going by his I-only-want-to-see-you-every-two-or-three-weeks statement, I won’t be seeing him for at least another week).  And The Pedant isn’t the kind of person who lets people look over his shoulder while he checks his phone.

My conditions, by the way, would be that we both get tested for every STD ever (and come out clean) first, and that neither of us fucks anyone else in the meantime.  I don’t mean I want monogamy, just that once we know we’re disease free, we ditch the condoms until one of us has sex with someone else.  Then we wrap The Pedant up like usual.  Maybe this will mean that we only have unprotected sex over the course of one night, and that’s fine.  At least I’ll know what that’s like.  It bothers me that I’m 40 years old and have never experienced this amazing physical intimacy that everyone else seems to blather on about.  It’s unfortunate that it wouldn’t be with someone I’m in love with, but them’s the breaks.

Link has also had a vasectomy, but his visit in June will be just one pit stop on a road trip where he’ll not only be fucking other women, but fucking one of them without a condom (he says she’s an old and dear friend and he completely trusts her, and that’s fine, but I don’t know her so there’s no reason for me to put my safety in her hands).  And anyway he’s circumcised so it probably wouldn’t be the same.

No, I want to do my usual thing of tying The Pedant to my bed and sexually teasing him for hours…except with increased sensitivity.

I know a lot of poly people have one person they’re “fluid bonded” with but continue having sex with other people while using barriers.  Maybe I’m being too strict in wanting The Pedant not to have any sex with other people at all during a time period when he’s having unprotected sex with me.  But herpes and HPV and maybe other stuff I’m not remembering now can be transmitted just from crotch-to-crotch contact even if there’s a condom, so I’m scared.

Although…if I can catch HPV or herpes just from brushing up against The Pedant’s nutsack, that’s a risk I’m putting myself in now, in our current condomed state (presuming The Pedant is fucking anyone else, which I haven’t asked).  Would unprotected sex with a Pedant who’s having protected sex with others really put me at any more risk than if everyone was using condoms?

This is confusing and headache-making.

I wonder if The Pedant will say yes? 😀

 

 

 

13 Comments

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13 responses to “Bareback

  1. Irene

    Bareback is actually quite different even with circumcised men. I envy you your experience with foreskins (the only ones I’ve ever even seen in real life have been on small children).

  2. But what about the stuff that gets up round the sides of condoms?

  3. Definitely warmer, and more friction-y (in a pleasurable way) and the male orgasm feels very different (and messier) 🙂 Funny, I live in the UK where uncut is the norm, and circumcised men rare exotic creatures!

  4. Leah

    That is so interesting… I have had pretty much an opposite experience. Very few of my partners have worn condoms. Almost half of them were virgins, and the majority of them were in mid teens and not even oral sex experience. I’ve been tested every year for chlamydia, gonorrhea, and HPV/herpes, and once for HIV (always clean, but I was told that after I got the HPV vaccinations that I continue to harbor the cells so I mean, yay for that). I was on the pill for about 6 months after I became sexually active but then switched to Depo and didn’t look back for like 5 years. Then I was on the pill again for two years (which was so awful at first – so much bloating and nipple pain and my boobs grew over 2 cups), back on Depo for 3 years and now I have an IUD. Other than those shitty two years inbetween Depo shots I haven’t had a period since I was a teenager.

    I guess because I knew the majority of my partners and who they had or hadn’t been with, I was never concerned with STDs – it was always pregnancy. I had one or two scares during a promiscuous, damaging phase but nothing came of it. It’s horrible because I’ve always been a huge proponent of safer sex but never really engaged in it myself other than pregnancy protection /// I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for 4 years now and it’s with a life partner so it’s pretty moot, but I’ve been with only circumsized guys and I can definitely feels the difference. It’s more of a textured feeling than a skin-sliding feeling, and it doesn’t feel waxy or rough like condoms seem to. I don’t dry out as much and bare peen doesn’t irritate my overly-sensitive urethra as much as condoms.

  5. Fnord

    “Would unprotected sex with a Pedant who’s having protected sex with others really put me at any more risk than if everyone was using condoms?”

    Statistically? I don’t know. But it feels like there is a difference between “I’d like to try bareback sex with you, as an experience, if we can do it safely” and “I’d like to get fluid-bonded with you”.

    • I’m not sure The Pedant even knows the phrase “fluid-bonded,” so he may not see it as any big bonding thing. For myself, the fact that I’m even debating doing that is indicative of a certain level of trust and attachment…but it’s not a huuuuge deal or anything. I wanna try bareback and he’s trustworthy and has had a vasectomy and that’s about the extent of it.

      The vibe I get from the poly community is that “fluid bonding” with someone means they’re you’re primary partner and you’re super-duper in love with them – the significance feels almost like getting married. I resent this. I could totally see myself having several partners and being fluid-bonded with one of them not because I was the most in love with that person, but because they were the lowest risk and/or the one I enjoyed most in bed. It’s weird to me that a nontraditional subculture like poly would stand behind this mushy teenaged-girl idea that sex without barriers means you’re emotionally closer.

  6. gingernic

    Even with a circumcised man, the sensations are far different (better!) without a condom. Part of this has to do with direct contact, the feeling of skin is incomparable and provides a certain friction/tension that condoms can’t duplicate. For me, there’s also an olfactory problem. The smell of latex makes me think of doctors and bright lights and sterile rooms, which is kind of a turn-off.

    • With The Pedant in particular, condoms have a tendency to roll up and come off (and I’ve been putting condoms on guys just fine for over 23 years with very few issues, so I’m gonna go ahead and say it’s something about the shape of his dick). So that’s one more reason it would be nice to do without.

      …It’s not a noble reason, but it’s a reason.

      In other news, these detailed descriptions of unprotected sex are turning me on. *Frustrated sigh*…

      • gingernic

        That sounds like an unpleasant problem. As reasons go, not a terrible one: if condoms act unreliably on him, it would certainly be a relief to know you can feel medically safe forgoing them.

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