aSEXTual

It’s sort of hilarious the way The Pedant responds to flirty texts – it’s clear to me that for whatever reason he is simply not going to say sexy or complimentary stuff back.  I’ve made my peace with this, but I still find it funny.  He seems to go to such lengths to avoid verbally declaring desire or interest in me.

  • When I texted him one time that I had a bunch of sexytime things I wanted to do to him, he replied, “Good to hear I’ve got your motor running. :)”
  • When I recently texted him “I’ve been consumed by frisky thoughts lately.  I blame you.”  He replied, “You’re welcome.”
  • Just now I texted him with “I finally got around to making two more bondage straps for my bed.  You can expect to be spread-eagled and securely restrained in the very near future,” and he replied, “Good to hear. ;)”

Maybe I’m getting a teeny bit validation-starved but I’m actually finding that last reply pretty hot – in the way that a Victorian gentleman might become aroused at the sight of a woman’s bare ankle peeping out from under her five thousand petticoats.  

But seriously: in the other texts, it felt like he was expressing happiness for me and my increased libido in the same way you’d express happiness for someone who just got a cat; kind of a “well that doesn’t affect my life at all but you seem happy so good for you!” thing.  The last text, though, is tacitly about him looking forward to sexytimes with me.  It’s a whole different thing.

Let me just reiterate: I’m not especially upset that The Pedant doesn’t engage in sexting with me*.  It’s probably for the best, actually, since his autism or whatever it is can make him accidentally come off more douchey than sexy (perhaps he knows this and that’s why he responds so carefully…).  But – whether it’s intentional or not – he often gives me the impression of deftly dodging any opportunity to indicate that he’s attracted to me or enjoys my company.**  All I can do is roll my eyes and chuckle.

It would be nice if he had a warmer presence in my life between visits; if he’d tell me that he was thinking about me or missing me or whatever.  But the bottom line is that I feel cared for when we’re together…his actions tell me everything I wish he’d say.  Maybe it’s greedy of me to want the actions and the words, I dunno.  For now, I’ve decided actions alone will do.

 

*I do worry that his lack of participation means my sexts aren’t wanted or appreciated, but if that were the case I think he would ignore them entirely.  Or maybe just tell me to stop.

**This is not entirely fair.  He does often tell me/text me that it was good seeing me.  I think my depression/anxiety shit is making me filter out the good stuff and focus on the bad.

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

One response to “aSEXTual

  1. Pingback: Wow. | hiding in plain sight

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s