Speak of the devil – The Mensch has written back to me. It seems he’s just found out that someone he’s had the hots for is newly single, and he wants to pursue her. He said he knows I subscribe to the whole non-monogamy thing and he’s trying to get his head around the idea but, as it stands, he would feel disingenuous dating both of us at the same time. He thanked me for our two fun dates and apologized for effectively leading me on (his words).
I have to admit, I’m hurt that he chose this other woman over me. And sort of infuriated: I met The Mensch because he’d been having submissive urges for years – urges so strong he tried to make his vanilla girlfriends indulge them, which caused him all manner of relationship problems – and now he was single and so pent up that he put an ad on Craigslist looking to find a dominant partner. How much do you wanna bet this “newly single” woman is another vanilla chick and he’s walking into the same stifling kink-free situation again?!? Also, pursuing someone who’s “newly single” rarely works out well. A person needs time between relationships to decompress.
In a way I feel like I brought this on myself. I believe the universe brings us what we want or what we believe we deserve, and right now I’m not super optimistic about the feasibility of happy long-term relationships. My cynicism caused me to doubt The Mensch; to think “he seems really awesome but there must be a catch.” I think the universe either put that woman in his path in order to provide me with that “catch,” or else the universe sent me a boy who was hung up on someone else because I’m not ready for anything resembling a relationship yet. Same thing happened a bunch of times in a row before I met Minx. Once I isolated the problem and worked on restoring my faith in relationships, Minx crossed my path almost immediately.
But, there’s no reason for me to let on to The Mensch how bitter I feel or how badly this situation echoes for me. Above all, I’m just really relieved he gave me closure and didn’t just do a disappearing act, and I want to reward him for, you know, being a mensch. So I wrote to him wishing him luck with the new girl, thanking him for telling me what was up instead of just vanishing, and indicating that if he’s single again sometime down the road he’s welcome to look me up.