I emailed The Pedant asking if he’d be willing to hold off on orgasming until I see him next (today is Tuesday and he’s sleeping over on Thursday night). I said I’d like to tie him down and play with him while he’s all pent up.
He wrote back to me today saying I’d probably rather he didn’t abstain until seeing me because then he’d only last 30 seconds.
My thoughts upon reading this (in roughly chronological order):
-30 SECONDS RAWR.
-He…does not appear to understand what I plan to do to him.
-He hasn’t said no – and he’s the kind of guy who will say no, outright, if he’s not into something*. So that’s a good sign.
-Poor boy, afraid of disappointing me by not lasting long enough…I should’ve realized he would feel that way, considering how much he seems to subscribe to society’s idea of how men should act. His ideas about what sex should be must be pretty different from mine.
So I emailed him back explaining that I actually think it’s hot when a guy comes really quickly (okay, not every single time, but on occasion); that my intent here is to edge him, so he wouldn’t be taking 30 seconds, anyway; that my understanding is that being backed up makes a guy’s orgasm way better, and I like the idea of giving him a really good one; and finally, that if he’s that backed up he’d probably bounce back from the first orgasm and be ready for more sex pretty soon, anyway (wouldn’t he?).
I said I wasn’t writing to pressure him, only to help him understand where I was coming from with my request – and also, hopefully, to get more information about how his body works (would being edged give him a good orgasm? Would his refractory time be lower than usual if he went a few days without wanking? – I asked him to tell me stuff).
Then after I sent that, I worried that the message looked pressuring anyway (despite me saying I didn’t mean it that way) so I sent another to say that my policy re: new sexual practices is to put my interest out there and then back off so my partner can come to me if he wants to try whatever it is – and therefore I would not be asking about orgasm control/denial stuff again, so he doesn’t have to worry that I’ll nag him or whatever. And I added that I like our current style of sexytimes anyway so it’s all good.
I…feel as though I may be coming off way too rambly and earnest over what probably should have been a really short and casual exchange. But, I’ve resolved to try to communicate better with The Pedant, and if he’s the kind of person I think he is, he should appreciate it.
And I really do want to know more about how his body and orgasms work, and this seemed like a good jumping-off point to ask him stuff. The last time we had sex was fucking crazy intense and I want to sharpen my skills and knowledge until I can make the sex be that good whenever I want.
*Hell, when I once asked him to wear a pair of panties for me, he was like “No, lingerie doesn’t appeal to me. I think people are sexier naked.” Um okay dude but right now we’re talking about what I find aesthetically pleasing. It was the weirdest thing.