Our first date went well! Kind of incredibly well, actually. Bear in mind, we’d exchanged literally just two or three short emails before meeting up; all I really knew about his personality is that he’s a businessman with “an artsy side,” that he likes being pegged and called names, and that he has a very engaging writing style with good grammar and spelling.
Well, our kinks line up pretty much perfectly. Dude owns his own pairs of panties, his own wrist and ankle restraints, his own strap-on harness and dildo, and he loves the idea of being called by “girl insults” like bitch/slut/whore. He’s not into pain in and of itself but is drawn to the idea of taking pain for his dominant’s sake. When I told him I don’t subscribe to the idea of “making” a guy submit to me by being so super-sexy that his hard-on leads him to obey – when I said that it’s my sub’s job to be eye candy for me and not the other way around – he seemed to enjoy that idea. And he mentioned an interest in CFNM, which um YES PLEASE.
Also, when I said that I subscribe to the lesbian idea of sex – meaning, P-in-V is not the be-all and end-all, no sex act is “more legitimate” than any other, it’s all good as long as everyone’s having fun, etc. – he enthusiastically agreed. He pointed out that even the language most people use says a lot about how we see sex, i.e. “foreplay” clearly indicates that the touching and play comes before the “main event”, which of course is penetration. Yes. This boy totally gets it.
Vanilla-wise, he’s a way better conversationalist than probably anyone I can remember going on a date with ever, in that he actually asked me stuff about me and listened to my answers. And of course I asked him stuff about him, too, and everything flowed pretty well.
I know enough about e-commerce to talk about his work with him and he knows enough about art to talk about my work with me. And he likes David Lynch movies! And he’s a budding photographer who’s offered to take pictures of me if I ever want him to! And when the topic of my age came up, it wasn’t an issue for him (he’s 28, I’m almost 40)! And when we talked about sex it was philosophical in tone, and if the conversation wandered away from sex, he wouldn’t steer it back! And emotionally he seems like an open book, telling me he thinks I’m awesome and writing me when he got home to tell me he had a great time and would like to do it again!
At the end of the night, he initiated a hug. I’m not quite at the stage of wanting to kiss him yet, but I did want to express that I like and am attracted to him, so that was perfect – if he hadn’t gone for that hug, I would’ve.
As I made my way home, I reflected on the fact that, although I find this boy attractive and I enjoyed our evening together, I’m not sure I’m attracted to him. I flip-flopped back and forth over whether this is some huge sign and I should cut things off, or whether maybe it just takes longer than that for me to get the hots for someone sometimes. I wracked my brains trying to remember how long it took for attraction to kick in with previous boys. I worried that this will turn into a repeat of The Doll, where there were warning signs right from the beginning but I ignored them because I was trying so hard to make things work.
And yet, ever since I got home last night I’ve been having fantasies about doing things to this boy. And about having vanilla moments with him like watching and discussing movies together. So maybe there’s something there and I just have my guard up a bit because he’s new.
I may be jumping the gun here but I think I’m gonna give this one a name. He is forthright and honourable and also half-Jewish, so henceforth he shall be known as The Mensch.
He’s impressed by how easily I took the reins and orchestrated our first meeting, by the way, and amazed and intrigued by the fact that I do life modelling. He told me I’m wonderfully self-confident and seem to be very authentically myself. I think that might be my favourite compliment ever. 😀