Stupid things I do and think while overtired…

After agonizing over it for a couple of days, I finally texted The Pedant asking why he seemed to dodge my goodbye kiss on Saturday.  He replied that it was actually just an accident; he misjudged which way I was turning, or something.

My first thought is that he’s bullshitting me; it was a pretty straightforward kiss.  I came right at him and if he’d held still and not turned his head I would’ve connected.  But I’ve been underslept lately and I know that being tired brings out all my depression/OCD/paranoia.  The Pedant is, I’m pretty sure, a straightforward person; also, if he does have some reason why he doesn’t want me kissing him on buses, it behooves him to tell me so I won’t do it again.

So we’re fine.

In other news, yesterday I replied to a couple of Craigslist ads (DON’T JUDGE ME 😛 ).  One was from a foot fetishist looking to pay for play, the other from an articulate, intelligent-sounding submissive looking for dating or a relationship.

Both guys have written back already, because I write kickass first messages.

The foot guy elaborated a bit more on what he wants, and it sounds like fun except that he says he’s looking for a “classy” woman and in my experience that’s a secret code for “a woman who wears dresses and heels.  But not really skimpy dresses because that crosses the line into slutty.”  Frankly that euphemism annoys the fuck out of me because to me “class” is a synonym for “integrity” and what I wear has nothing to do with whether or not I’m an ethical person.  But I’ll send him a pic and see what happens.

The submissive guy seems super enthusiastic about me – not in a scary stalker way, but in an “I haven’t internet dated before and I have no idea how different the reality of a person can be from my fantasy of them.”  I think I’m a little shellshocked from the FetLife guy and his whole “You’re not bad looking for someone so unfeminine” thing – and also, to a lesser extent, from the foot guy and his use of the word “classy” – so I sent the sub a photo of me so he doesn’t have too long of a chance to picture me as a Victoria’s Secret model*.

The sub sounds good, though, so far.  I like the way he writes.  I do worry that he’ll be too mainstream for me to be attracted to – jeans and t-shirts don’t much do it for me anymore, I’m afraid, and if he were goth I’m sure he would’ve mentioned it.  Plus I, too, am doing the thing of filling in the blanks in his description in the hottest way possible.  He’s described himself as tall, blonde, and in better-than-average shape; my ever-optimistic brain conjures up something like this, but in reality we could be looking at something more like this.  I’ve seen plenty of guys on personals sites describe themselves as “fit” “in good shape” etc. when they had a pronounced gut, and hair colour doesn’t dictate anything about a person’s facial features.

So yeah.  This guy seemed content to just chat via email for a while, but I responded all “Hey let’s move this along here’s my photo send me yours if we like each other’s looks let’s just meet kthxbai.”  Hopefully he doesn’t find this too forward, but if he does, I don’t actually know him at all so it’s no great loss.

Speaking of FetLife guy…I’m still holding out some hope for him (DON’T JUDGE ME 😛 ).  My experience as a single person has been that it’s almost fucking impossible to find a guy who sticks around and is upfront about his intentions.  Dudes just get distracted and bail at the drop of a hat with no warning or explanation.  So when I said I was no longer interested in FetLife Guy and he still wanted to continue our conversation, that perversely got me kind of interested again.  Yes, he’s “honest” to the point of being a hurtful douchebag, but he reacted well when I called him on it, and at this point in my life brutal honesty sounds preferable to the usual thing where dudes just keep me completely in the dark about what they’re thinking.  And I like that he’s difficult to get rid of.

If I have a choice between a guy who seems awesome but disappears after two dates and a guy who’s somewhat problematic but is direct with me about what he wants and would never bail without explanation (and sometimes it seems like those are the only two choices…) I’m going with the latter.  I want to get laid on a regular basis, dammit.

So I might ask to meet FetLife guy in person sometime, after all.  He’s hot and our D/s interests seem pretty compatible, and I know that sometimes chemistry can transcend an initial lack of attraction.  I’ve had partners before who didn’t consider me their usual “type” but felt a strong erotic charge with me nonetheless; if this happens with this dude, I’ll go for it.  But I want him to be practically begging for it before I make my move. 😀

If we get along well and I find him attractive but don’t get the vibe that he’s into me that way, I can still take naked photos of him and stuff, without interacting sexually.  He’d enjoy the attention and I’d enjoy looking at an attractive naked boy.

That’s all moot right now though because he’s taking an unusually long time to respond to my latest message.  He’s probably just at work or school or something but I’m fucking old and cynical and gunshy so I’m not discounting the idea that he is in fact bailing after all.

I need some sleep.

*Or rather – since I described myself as “alternative-looking” – as a Victoria’s Secret model with a discreet little tattoo and maybe a pink streak in her long, flowing hair, wearing black lingerie.

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