Pfft. Another one bites the dust.

Once again, one of my posts got overwritten.  I thought I knew how to prevent that but apparently not.

Basically, I was ranting about FetLife dude, who responded to the face pic I sent by saying

I was a little afraid to look at that pic but glad I did. While I am still generally not a fan of hairstyles such as that, you do have a nice face (and the glasses help!). Some girls can still pull off shorter hair styles in my mind, and apparently you are one of em 🙂

Well gosh, I feel so lucky that he’s willing to settle.  And yay, he likes glasses!  I was up all night worrying that my face and glasses might not meet his approval but no, apparently they almost compensate for my tragic lack of hair.  Awesome.

But seriously, why is he talking to me like he’s a pageant judge and I’m Miss Arkansas?  I didn’t ask him for a detailed breakdown of whether or not I meet his stringent standards of bangability; I simply said “here’s what I look like; if you’re interested then let’s meet.”

This is what I mean when I say that guys are “entitled.”  This dude has made a point of mentioning his love of long hair over and over again like he expects me to somehow spontaneously grow some just to please him.  Dude…you know what I look like.  Either take it or don’t.  

He’s not as thin and hairless as I usually like, btw, but I damn sure didn’t message him going “Hey, let’s be FWB.  Your pics are pretty cute…you’re like a solid 7.5…you’d be a 9 if you waxed your chest and lost ten pounds, but 7.5 isn’t bad.  How about it?”  …I didn’t say those things because they imply that he exists solely for my attraction and amusement and that if he wants to appeal to me (which every guy on earth obviously does because I am so fucking important) he should scurry to change all the things I mentioned.  It also comes off as kind of insulting and makes it clear that I’d be doing him a favour by fucking him because he’s only a 7.5.

Oh, also, this guy sent me a digital collage of famous women he finds attractive.  It was that important to him to educate me on his mighty, mighty aesthetic needs.  WTF am I supposed to do with that information?  Say to myself “Yup, I sure as hell don’t look like any of these women…now I know exactly how much he’s settling with me”?  Run out and get extensive cosmetic surgery so I can conform to his fantasies?  I CAN’T EVEN.

So I wrote to him and bailed.  I gave him the courtesy of briefly explaining why, because I suspect his bullshit might be a bit of Asperger’s-related social ineptitude rather than actual chauvinist piggery.  He took it well, and said he hopes we can at least keep talking online as friends. 

We’ll see.


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8 responses to “Pfft. Another one bites the dust.

  1. gingernic

    Wow. Aspergers or no, that’s bad. What does that even mean, “I was a little afraid to look at that pic”? Did he think it would show a Weeping Angel? That video from The Ring? Miss Arkansas and her thousands of terrifying white teeth? (I Googled her. Too many teeth. Scary smile.)

    Commentary on a photo can be nice. But only if it’s, well, nice. “I like your hair,” “you have a cute nose,” “Is that a copy of Persona 3 in the background?”, acceptable. Half-insults that sound like pick up artist tricks? Ick.

  2. I am so curious about this:

    “I gave him the courtesy of briefly explaining why”

    What did you say (you obviously did a great job since he still wants to be friends with you)?


    • Oh, I just told him that his repeatedly mentioning that I’m not his physical ideal has killed my lady-boner so I need to bail – and pointed out that even his attempt to compliment me came out like “I have deemed you worthy of my attention even though you’re so painfully deficient in certain areas” which is…not good. But I wished him luck (sincerely) in finding someone better suited to his needs.

      I don’t think it’s so much that I was awesome and tactful as that he’s got a thick skin and likes to be called on his bullshit.

  3. marika grofno

    I think it would be 1. pedagogically useful for him 2. satisfying for you to tell him exactly what you said here – that you also could have said that yeah, you like hairless dudes… Make a parody of his fucking statement. Make it sting.

  4. Andy

    He sounds like a real peach :S You have more restraint than I do, by the way. I don’t think I could have resisted sending that “you’re a 7.5” e-mail.

  5. While I am still generally not a fan of hairstyles such as that, you do have a nice face (and the glasses help!).

    Wow. In what insane alternate universe is that even a compliment? An actual compliment would be “I don’t usually like short hair, but on you it looks great!”

    This dude has made a point of mentioning his love of long hair over and over again like he expects me to somehow spontaneously grow some just to please him.

    Augh! I hate that shit and I even have long hair. I didn’t grow it out so entitled little brats would want to bang me, I grew it out because getting it cut every 4-6 weeks was a pain in the ass (my hair used to be so short that it looked really awful if it got too long).

  6. Pingback: An outing with a boy. | hiding in plain sight

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