Me: Your new nickname shall be Moses.
The Pedant: …If you predict me founding a successful TV station and then selling out for a few extra dollars, then I shall take offence.
Me: I was going for a period sex joke, actually.*
The Pedant: Dude, that was not a sea. That was not even a stream.
Me: I feel that my menstrual competence is in question here. Next month I shall drench you in a mighty wave of chunky gore to prove my womanliness.** ALL OF THE SIDES. THE ENTIRE UTERUS.
(Apparently he had nothing to say to that.)
*I was, in fact, on my period when he was here yesterday. So when we had sex he “parted the red sea,” ha ha.
**Seriously…I feel like the amount of semen a guy ejaculates is often thought of as a measure of how manly he is…why doesn’t it work like that for women and their menses?