BAD Pedant. No cookie.

Yesterday The Pedant asked to see me sometime this weekend.  I suggested Sunday, even though part of me didn’t want to (I’ve had stuff to do every day for the past few days and want a break from it!).  He said yes to this, but when I immediately texted back to say “Okay, when/where shall we meet?”………………..nothing.  This was part of a conversation we were having via text; I know his phone was on him, and probably actually in his friggin’ hand.  And he posted a Facebook status that he was staying that evening with a book and a cup of tea, so I know he wasn’t out with people/too distracted to reply/etc.

And, don’t forget, when I first texted him to ask if he wanted to hang out next week, he said “I do” but didn’t tell me which days he was free.  And then when I suggested Friday he said “That should work” – should work, meaning there’s a chance he’s mistaken or that something else will come up.  Jesus Christ, the process of trying to see this boy is like pulling teeth

I like consistency and structure.  I like feeling that my time is valued.  I can not be having this bullshit.  I don’t know if The Pedant is deliberately fucking with me or just really absent-minded, and I don’t care.  It’s time to (as I privately think of it) yank on his leash.

So I just texted him the following:

Well, I haven’t gotten a confirmation of time/place for Sunday from you and I have other things I want to do.  So, let’s forget that plan.  I’ll see you Friday and if my schedule opens up before then I’ll let you know.

Not angry, not berating him.  Just calmly letting him know that I’m a busy person and if he drags his ass on finalizing plans with me, he’ll lose his chance.

Even people who are sloppy or imprecise by nature can manage to pull themselves together at least a little bit if they know their sloppiness has consequences.  I predict that this text will make The Pedant smarten up and make concrete plans with me in future.  And if it doesn’t, the next time we’re making plans and he’s too vague I will goddamn tell him outright “I need to know ahead of time what we’re doing and when.”

I don’t understand this boy.  When he’s with me, he treats me well, is a big snuggler, and never seems to want to leave.  When he’s not with me, I try to make plans with him and he’s all “Yeah…maybe…we’ll see…” and can barely be bothered to give me a day/time.  Which seems an awful lot like I’m his backup plan – like he’ll only finalize plans with me when he’s absolutely sure nothing better will come along.  Or is it possible that he’s even more of an idiot at scheduling things than I am?

Thoughts?

7 Comments

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7 responses to “BAD Pedant. No cookie.

  1. jnakabb

    My thoughts are .. not generous towards The Pedants’s behaviour. But that’s not unusual, as you well know.

    My suggestion us to make your needs and expectations explicit. If they are ignored, you’re being disrespected and have every reason to dictate terms thereafter.

  2. Just A Slut

    I think he is trying to play it cool. You said before that Pedant tries to kiss and do assorted things like he immagines on TV. What if he is trying to be “too cool for school” so you want or like him more? Are you sure his pretending to be indifferent isn’t some misguided way to try to appear like he isn’t desperate for your attention?

    If you are constantly questioning why, who, and when then he is getting attention even if you are annoyed.

    Also maybe he is worried about looking over eager. He could be under misguided infromation that being over eager isn’t masculine and IS a turn off to women. I have seen this in other subs too. They hear sub and assume this means they should be snobby or aloof. Like they should pretend to be constantly dazed or maybe pretend like they don’t notice they are being flogged. Lol some of these new subs don’t realize that its most times an opposite reaction from what the dominant may want lol. Maybe this is what is going on with the pedent too? Let me know if it rings true. I think you handled it great. I would have lost patience and made other plans. I hate feeling like I have to pry a straight answer.

    I gave up on that and just started telling people I can’t take a hint so be blunt. I don’t always love what they say but I atleast get a yes or no more often.

    Let me know how this works out.

    -Just A Slut

    • It’s possible he’s deliberately being aloof in order to create some effect or other. Or maybe he just sucks at making plans, the same way he sucks at arriving on time for them (last year he was late to his own birthday dinner and kept a big group of people waiting for half an hour…).

      I hate this feeling of being in limbo. If he’s being like this because he’s insecure and super duper fond of me and trying to hide it, I’d happily reassure him that I like him a lot and he should relax. If he’s being like this because he’s trying to get me hooked on him, reassuring mushy-talk would probably only make him feel smug and thing “Ha, my plan is working!”

      It feels like there’s literally nothing I can do here. Well, aside from tell him “DUDE. I have shit to do. I can’t be waiting around for you all the time/wondering if we actually have plans or what/etc.”

  3. Just A Slut

    OMG. You are far more generous then I am, Being late is rude. It insinuates the person waiting isn’t important enough for you to be on time. Ugh. I would be super irritated. I don’t think this is just PMS unless PMS means the same thing as Punishing Male Severely. Lol. I would be pissed and you have the right to be angry as well.

    • Oh, don’t get me wrong. I hate his lateness. Hate. It.

      But I’m chronically late, too (albeit not as badly as he is; I’ll show up to stuff out of breath and five minutes late whereas he’ll send five different “whoops I’m gonna be ten more minutes” texts). So I kind of understand that this shit doesn’t necessarily mean people aren’t important (I feel horrible for being late! And yet I can’t seem to stop).

      I feel like this is one of those things where I can either bang my head against a brick wall, or find ways to navigate around it. For the time being, the good things seem to outweigh the bad so I’m trying to accept that one stupid thing. Of course I reserve the right to change my mind about that later.

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