Attraction is a complex thing, and I can’t say for sure why The Doll ultimately failed to ignite my passions. I mean it’s probably not any one thing. But I did figure out something that probably contributed to our misfire a lot.
The Doll has kind of a limp dishrag quality; even his kisses are cold and damp and flaccid. And when I ask him to do things, he just…does them. Dutifully and immediately. Which somehow isn’t really working for me. This surprises me because for ages now I’ve believed – or thought I believed – that a submissive should do what they’re told without whining/putting up a fight/etc. And here I had a boy who would do what I asked without any drama, and it bored me.
But…Minx used to do what I wanted pretty consistently (for a pretty long while, anyway. When the relationship was still basically good) and I never got bored; it’s not like I ever got to a point of thinking “Meh, this one’s broken in; time to find a new challenge.” I actually felt lucky every single day, every time Minx cooked for me or massaged me or brought me a glass of water. It never got old. And if I had a sub who balked at doing stuff for me – whether seriously or as a ploy to make me beat him into submission – it would absolutely piss me off. I know this.
I think what I need is more of a spirit of playfulness. The Doll never seemed to get that sparkle in his eye from doing things for me; he was just schoolboy-earnest all the time. Whenever I did something rough or painful to him he’d say thank you, for Pete’s sake. And I think to an extent it was too easy to get him to submit; I didn’t get much of a sense that he ever held back, assessed my good qualities, and made a decision to submit to me and specifically me. Mind you, I dipped my toe in the water so tentatively that there was never really a valid opportunity to say no to me. He likes me; he’s submissive; I started out asking for the most minor of things, like fetching glasses of water. If I’d proposed knifeplay early on that might have been a different matter; The Doll does seem to have a decent sense of self and would probably have set boundaries on things that could really damage him. But getting a glass of water for someone he likes is not likely to throw a dude into a tizzy. Even a vanilla guy would do that. At any rate, I wanted to feel as though I’d “earned” his submission, and I kinda never felt that way. Maybe it’s my own fault I didn’t feel it, but still.
The Pedant, conversely, has a hilarious, eye-rolling, long-suffering look he gives me when he thinks I’m being ridiculous. The time I asked to take naked pictures of him, he threw me that look and shot me down, and it kind of turned me on. I like that he has boundaries. It both reassures me that he feels okay with the things we are doing (because if he didn’t he’d have no qualms about refusing to do them), and gives me something to maybe push against. If he eventually does say yes to naked photos, for instance, that will be fucking epic because it’ll be something he’s doing just for me. Along those same lines, the fact that he comes across so confident and outspoken in his normal life makes it even more of a treat when he goes all helpless and nonverbal in the bedroom. It feels like something he’s doing just for me. I’ve conquered him; I’ve won him over; he’s mine.
Also, it’s such a minor thing, but when I’m pinning The Pedant down, he strains against me just a little bit. He’s not seriously fighting me – just reassuring himself that the resistance he craves is still there – but it still gives me an excuse to be all “annnnd stay down!” and shove him down a little harder. Which totally gets me hot.
And Minx…Minx was all playfulness. Playfulness and slink. He had a way of lounging on a bed or couch and making come-hither eyes at me that made me want to fuck the living shit out of him. Totally appealed to my predatory side. If I pushed him down, he wouldn’t physically fight it (maybe just a very slight straining like The Pedant)…but his eyes and his smirk would say “…oh yeah?” That look of his just made me wanna…do things to him. Terrible things.
So I guess it’s safe to say I need to feel challenged by a sub. Just a little, and maybe half-jokingly. But I need to feel like I’ve fought and won.
This is useful information to have.