I did it. Super-fast like a ninja. The Doll and I are now friends, not dating.
I know, I know, breakups are apparently supposed to be done in person. But a) the thought of having The Talk with The Doll in person made me so anxious I thought I might die, and b) I don’t really understand why doing it in person is so important. If we were boyfriend/girlfriend, sure, but we’ve been seeing each other sporadically for just a couple of months, with no bf/gf type titles applied, no I-love-you’s exchanged and no sex being had, so I don’t really see why I need to make the switch from “kinda seeing each other” to “friends” into a big damn production.
And for whatever it’s worth, if the shoe were on the other foot, I’d prefer to hear the news via text or email or whatever. Being dragged out to a coffee shop would just feel like “…Oh. I was looking forward to having a date with you and instead you’re…doing this. Why did you drag me out into the cold and make me pay for coffee just so you could tell me you didn’t wanna date me anymore? Is this a sadistic thing where you wanted to see my reaction in person, or…? Y’know what, never mind, I don’t care. I’m gonna go home now.”
The last thing The Doll had said to me on Facebook (at around 8 o’clock this morning) was that his coworkers think it’s weird that we don’t set up our next date at the end of the previous one, and he asked me if that’s something I’d want. This evening I wrote back to say no, my schedule is all over the place and my memory sucks so I kind of can’t make plans on the spur of the moment – I need to be able to consult my calendar. And I thanked him for asking.
I waited until he replied to that message, and then I just dove in and said there was something I wanted to tell him. He asked what it was, and I said I’ve been feeling like we’re better suited to friendship than dating. He said this disappointed him because he liked me a lot, and he asked me why I felt that way; I said “If I were going to fall for you, I would have by now – my emotions are decisive like that. You’re awesome, and I WANT to have those feelings, but…”
We agreed to keep hanging out as friends. He asked if I’d like to be friends-who-make-out, and I said I’d like to back off the physical stuff for now but might consider it at a later time*. The Doll said he’d miss dating me but that watching movies with me and Bastardcat is a fun and worthwhile thing all on its own, so we’re cool. And he said he’d still like to cook for me sometimes, and I said I’d like that.
I asked if he’d still like me to come out to the dinner thing at his friends’ place on the 23rd or if he needs space to process everything, and he said he would still enjoy my company that day and his friends surely would, too. I didn’t tell The Doll this but I was hoping not to go to this thing anymore…he’ll surely be telling his friends beforehand of our status change, and I’m worried that they’ll resent me for rejecting him. I’m the first person he’s ever dated and I’m sure they see it as kind of a big deal. But I’ve met these people before and they’re all really nice, and it seems as though The Doll isn’t the type to be bitter and bad-mouth me, so it’ll probably be fine.
Anyway, I’m relieved that it’s over with. So very relieved. And I do think The Doll will make a wonderful friend. 🙂
*This is not a lie. I do feel a tiny, fluttering, not-enough-to-really-become-anything physical attraction to The Doll sometimes, and some form of snuggling or play is not out of the question for me. I didn’t break things off because he repulses me, I broke things off because I don’t see a romantic relationship forming here and didn’t want him to think there was one. So I’ll remain totally platonic with him for a while in order to cement this change in our minds, and then eventually…maybe something can happen. Or maybe we’ll fall right into the whole platonic thing and it’ll feel like the right place to be. We’ll see.