Untangling the kinks.

I keep having to remind myself that just because certain kinks often happen to coexist in one person, it doesn’t mean they’re all the same kink.  They’re still separate kinks…wound together.

A love of bondage, for instance, doesn’t necessarily imply a love of submission or objectification or pain.  A lot of people do enjoy all of those things, but they’re still different kinks.

I really feel like The Pedant is probably not ready yet to face his kinky side directly, and that he couldn’t or wouldn’t directly tell me what-all he likes even if I asked him.  So I’ve been trying to figure things out through trial and error.

I’ve deduced that he enjoys being immobilized; he reacts quite strongly and favourably to any suggestion of me pinning or tying him down.  He also enjoys being roughhoused to a certain extent; he’s acted aroused when I’ve put my hand on his throat, pulled his hair, run my fingernails over him hard, or physically pulled/pushed him into a different position during sexytimes.  But, if I recall correctly, he only likes the rougher things once he’s already pretty turned on; I’ve clawed at him early in the proceedings and didn’t get nearly the reception that I did later, when things had heated up.  Grabbing his wrist or ankle, however, will turn him on even if it’s still early goings.  

It’s unclear to me whether he likes to feel helpless, objectified, or submissive.  He’s said “please” to me twice when I asked him to, but this doesn’t mean that begging turns him on; it only means he’ll do it if I tell him to.  I’ve trash-talked him during sex – telling him he’s my pretty little fuck toy, telling him he’s trapped and helpless and I can do anything I want to him – and I can’t tell whether it did anything for him.  We were already fucking so there was a certain amount of moaning already going on.  I don’t think the moans spiked when I said dirty things to him, but it’s hard to say.

The one time I slapped his face (to express my displeasure at him having bitten me) it clearly did nothing for him at all.  So I’m guessing he only likes pain that could conceivably come from someone wanting him really badly.  Nails down his back, he sees as a sexual thing; a slap to the face, probably not so much (even though slapping is sexual for me).  It seems like a fair assessment that his big thing is feeling wanted – wanted to the point where I’ll flat-out attack him.  Although I’m not sure if or how the bondage thing plays into this.

I dunno, man.  I’m really enjoying having sexytimes with The Pedant, but I can’t help feeling like there’s some way to push things further – like the right words or combination of actions could act as a key that unlocks an even more breathless, helpless, downright submissive version of him.  And I want to find that key.

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