Eat a bag of dicks! (Because pretty soon I will have one.)

My favourite sex toy website is having a sale, so I bought a Realdoe Slim and some water-based lube that’s supposed to be good for assplay.

OH GOD HELP ME.  I just took a break from typing this entry to go order this dick, too.  I almost ordered it the last time I went cock-shopping, but ended up getting this one instead* because it’s a more feasible size for sucking and fucking.  But my manly pride wants a giant cock, and I know some small minority of dudes love something huge in their ass, so what the hell.

So now I have realistic penises in small, medium, and large.

These are all strictly for pegging (or fauxllatio) by the way.  When I tried to picture inserting my current realistic-looking cock into myself, it made me feel queasy, which is kind of intriguing.  No, each of these toys will be my cock, the same way a cis-guy’s cock is his.  They will always be facing outward.  I have other toys for use in my vagina; abstract, pink-or-purple toys.

The reasons for today’s toy-shopping rampage are threefold:

1) I am randomly horny lately (I did wank last night before ordering the Realdoe, just to make sure my head was relatively clear).

2) The site is having a sale, and each dick cost me about half of what it would’ve cost anywhere else.  Perhaps I shouldn’t have spent the money, but if I waited til my financial situation is more stable, I’d probably end up spending way more to get the exact same items.  And in the meantime I’d be sitting here with a very poor selection of penises with which to fuck boys.  So.

3) My American friend Link is slated to be in my neck of the woods in June or so, and has been very vocal about his need to be assfucked.  

Link’s idea is that he’ll stay with me for a few days, and during that time his ass will belong to me.  As in, I can ambush him any time, anywhere, and stick anything I want into him.  He talked about wearing something assless – jock-style underwear or whatever – so that I could have free access to him.  Mind you, in June it’ll be warm enough that he won’t need clothing at all to be comfortable in my apartment, but I do enjoy the idea of assless underthings just as decoration so I say YES PLEASE.

Link is 28, built like a very slender brick shithouse, and in the right light could easily pass for Neil Patrick Harris, by the way.  He also loves giving head and is one of the very few boys who’s gotten me off that way.

I am going to violate him so hard.

 

*But in the “cocoa” colour, which looks more natural on me – I’ve never seen a caucasian person whose penis was the same shade as the rest of their skin.  It should be darker, yes?

9 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

9 responses to “Eat a bag of dicks! (Because pretty soon I will have one.)

  1. Ooh, I just recently bought a Realdoe Slim too, on a similar sale!

    • Was it delivered yet? How big around is it? The site I bought mine from says 4″ but other sites say different things so I don’t know if someone has a typo.

      • Yes, it was. Hmm, I don’t know. The site where I got it said 1.25″ in diameter, and I didn’t have a ruler on hand while trying it out, but that seems about right. Math with that would put the circumference at 3.93″, so that would be consistent with what your site told you.
        I can try to measure when I get home tonight, if you want.

        • Meh, don’t go to the trouble. I’ve already ordered mine and can’t return it, so I will deal with whatever size it turns out to be. 😀

        • Side note: I do not understand why so many sites give the width of a toy rather than the circumference. Width tells me nothing (unless the toy is perfectly cylindrical, in which case I suppose I could work out the circumference using math. In theory. I’d have to look up how to do that because it’s been so long).

          Circumference is the dimension I want to know. I can curl my measuring tape around itself and see whether the toy will be able to fit where I want it to fit.

          • Huh – funny, I’m the other way around. It’s diameter that’s informative to me. I can visualize it, and I can understand size differences – like, I can read ‘this is 1.25″‘ and ‘this is 1.5″‘ and see what the difference is. And I can grab a ruler and look, or compare to other things I own. Circumference tells me nothing, and I need to convert it to be able to get a measurement my brain can do something with.

            • Admittedly, I need a tape measure (or some string and a ruler) so I can physically bend something into that circumference and see it. But yeah…I feel like I’m better at gauging insertable-ness that way than by width. It would honestly never occur to me to measure the width of a penis/toy/etc.

  2. Oh fun – I love buying cocks! While I do sometimes wish I had the sensation in it like a bio cock, those of us who strap on do get the benefit of being able to swap in a different size or shape cock to suit our merest whim! 🙂

    • I’m holding out hope that technology will give us a way to “feel” our strap-on cocks. It seems like something that could happen. And then we’d have the best of both worlds – sensation and choice!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s