So. Let us consider The Pedant for a moment.
Socially dominant. Goes out of his way to appear knowledgeable and in-control when speaking of his prior sexual encounters (to the point where he comes off as a smirking, smarmy douchebag). Does not mention an interest in bottoming or being submissive, even when I tell him that I enjoy topping/being dominant.
Then we hook up and the Casanova veneer quickly falls away, revealing a boy who wants to be tied up and gives every indication of getting extremely turned on by me taking control and being (somewhat) rough with him…but aside from asking to be restrained (which must be a huuuuge desire for him to make him overcome his reticence) he doesn’t ask me to be rough. And he even invents a bullshit, non-submission-related excuse for the tying up.
My feeling is that this boy is submissive, or at least really bottomy, but in fairly deep denial about it because he’s been socialized that men aren’t supposed to be like that. He’s also not a great communicator – he only seems to tell me his sexual needs under extreme duress, like if he needs me to stop doing something because it hurts. Even when I specifically ask “do you like what I’m doing?” during bedroom stuff, he’ll just kind of nod/dodge the question/whatever.
It probably won’t work to ask him outright if he has a submissive streak, or even to ask him if he has any fantasies he’d like me to fulfill. I don’t think he’d be able to say the words. And yet, I find his submissive leanings SUPER FUCKING HOT and want to bring him out of his shell so we can explore them properly.
How would you handle this, if you were me? Or how would you want it handled if you were him?