The Doll hasn’t responded to my last FetLife message (the one with the poly-talk), but he’s been making adorable comments on my Facebook posts so I know he’s still in the game.

I invited The Pedant over on Saturday night but he just emailed me that he’s feeling a bit sick so we’ll have to see.

It continues to feel very weird that I’m seeing these two people and not obligated to choose between them.  For years and years I thought I was naturally monogamous* but I guess that was just societal pressure pushing down on me.  Well, that and the fact that I’ve never dated two guys I liked equally before.  Any time I’ve tried to “play the field” in the past there would end up being one dude who was more compelling than the others – and that’s when the societal pressure (or possessive clinginess) would come crashing in and I’d decide that I should discontinue all the guys but the “best” one and just focus on him.  This attitude continued right up until Minx and I opened our relationship – making Minx my “best’ guy and The Pedant the not-as-good guy that I nonetheless kept on seeing because it turns out that variety is fucking awesome.

And now it’s The Pedant and The Doll, who (for now) hold equal significance for me.  When I’m with one, I’m totally focused and enjoying myself and not thinking/fantasizing about the other.  When I’m alone, I think about them both approximately equally, and look forward equally to seeing them.  I keep turning them over and over in my mind, looking for proof that one is the “best”, and finding nothing.  I keep reminding myself that “best” doesn’t matter because I don’t have to choose.  There’s no need to compare or to narrow down.  I can simply have both.

I’m all full of sexual fantasies lately.

Playing with The Doll while he was clad in head-to-toe latex was fun, and I’ll totally do it again sometime, but I’d also enjoy the intimacy of dominating him in a more skin-to-skin, eye-contacty way.  I had ideas of making him strip down for me, wrapping him in a “dress” of hot pink bondage tape, and then having him service me (sexually and otherwise), but I don’t have any hot pink bondage tape and neither, at the moment, does my local sex store.  I have black bondage tape, but my weirdly specific inner perv insists on hot pink.  So, this particular fantasy will have to wait. 😦

As for The Pedant, I just want to make him orgasm.  And I want for it not to take so damn long.  Last time I saw him I used half a bottle of lube on a hand job of such incredible duration that my fingers pruned up.  

He’s mentioned that his ideal scenario is to be tied down, “started off” by hand and then fucked to the finish.  That sounds like fun, except that so far it’s taken him crazy long to orgasm and I get impatient (and sore!).  It occurs to me, however, that I haven’t yet taken the time to thoroughly investigate The Pedant for erogenous areas – I’ve been pretty utilitarian in my handling of his body.  Perhaps he needs more foreplay and buildup before the serious “I’m-gonna-get-you-off” part starts.  He’s told me how fond he is of lonnnng marathon sexytimes and of being tied up, so the conclusion here is obvious: next time I see him, I need to reset my internal timer (which tends toward relatively quick encounters) and settle in for a long, unhurried night of fun.

Also, although he claims he just likes to be tied down so he won’t flail and hurt me, I think The Pedant has a submissive streak – and securing him to the bed to give him a hand job isn’t going to underscore his helplessness nearly as much as securing him to the bed and then relentlessly teasing him. 😀

Okay.  I should really go paint now.  Work-iife balance and all that. 

*Which is hilarious because all through high school I daydreamed about having two boyfriends simultaneously.  Oh, Denial, you sassy selectively blind bitch…


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2 responses to “Balance

  1. Hooray for good things and fantasies 🙂
    Also, not sure if this is helpful or not, but Amazon has a pretty good selection of bondage tape, including pink.

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