Somehow got into a discussion on Facebook re: online dating. One person referred to dating sites as a way of “ascertaining whether you have actual things in common with someone you think is cute” and some other chick took issue with the idea that anyone would make cuteness a criterion in partner selection. Apparently she could correspond with the frickin’ Elephant Man and if he had a good personality, she’d begin to find him beautiful.
I said that I don’t think it’s shallow at all to want to date someone you find aesthetically pleasing; in fact, it’s practical. For most people, a romantic relationship entails a) sex and b) monogamy. If you’re going to be having sex with just one person indefinitely, shouldn’t it be someone you want to have sex with? I added, though, that a great personality really does make someone hotter to me, so I’m not insisting on only dating supermodels or anything like that – I just need to start out thinking a guy is moderately cute, is all. Looks aren’t the only factor but they are a factor.
This chick responded basically by saying “Well, we all get old and wrinkly eventually. Are you saying you’d dump your partner just because they got ‘worn out’ and you wanted something new and pretty?” Um LOLWUT? Since when does old = ugly? And even if it did – even if I knew for a fact that any long-term partner I had would eventually look gross – why does that mean I should forget about looks now? Isn’t ten years of finding my partner attractive (and then they get old and gross) better than never finding them attractive at all?
I also mentioned that I spent almost a decade married to someone who was basically the opposite of my physical “type” and I’ve been in a long-term relationship since then with someone who was totally my physical type – and for me, the latter was infinitely better. No, I wouldn’t end a good relationship just because the guy looked different than he used to – but I wouldn’t start a relationship with someone who didn’t look good to me, either. Been there, done that, didn’t like it.
And this chick countered by saying that when you wake up with someone you’re truly in love with, you won’t be put off by his messy hair or unshaven face because you won’t even see those things – you’ll be looking into his soooooul (the implication, I guess, being that I’m clearly so picky about appearances that I vomit all over myself when my boyfriend has a bit of stubble or bedhead). She ended by saying “whatever works for you works for you, but I need a deeper love than that.”
I wanna punch this bitch in the fucking face.