Good in bed

I have often said (ranted) to people that there’s no such thing as being “good in bed” since everyone likes different things.  I think usually when someone refers to someone as “good in bed” they mean “they were really attractive” and/or “they happened to be very physically compatible with me” and/or “their ‘default moves’ in bed happened to be stuff I like.”

The closest thing to being “good in bed” – I’ve been saying for years now – is asking what your partner likes and then trying your best to do those things.

My experience with The Pedant last night inspired me to add some more things to my personal definition of goodness-in-bed.  Such as:

-Offer orgasms – lots and lots of them – without waiting to be asked.  Even if you yourself have come and are satisfied.

-If you offer your partner an(other) orgasm and zie says “no thanks, I’m good” don’t push it.  Their orgasms are for them, not you, and they just told you they had enough.

-Don’t draw attention to your partner’s funny orgasm noises or twitchies (at least not if you ever want them to orgasm in your presence again!).

-Be flexible in your expectations.  As long as both partners are happy after a sexual encounter, it doesn’t really matter how you got there.

-Roll with the punches.  Sometimes, someone won’t orgasm/needs to masturbate in order to orgasm/needs toys in order to orgasm/needs to switch positions for whatever reason/gets tired and would like to switch to a different activity.  It happens!  Don’t take it personally.

-Communicate what you want/need, listen to what your partner is communicating, and pay attention to their body language.


So yeah.  During my hookup with The Pedant last night I found myself thinking “Jeez, he is really good in bed” – which surprised me because that term is fallacious and ridiculous and I don’t usually use it even in my head.  And so I analyzed why I felt that way and came up with the above.  The Pedant just seemed really into me and focused on giving me a good time, and he took my many instructions and requests totally in stride and didn’t make me feel self-conscious about anything.

Combine that with how physically compatible he is with me (full lips that feel good to kiss, excellent hand stamina, a dick that doesn’t completely rend me asunder, that amazing, elusive quality of being able to melt right into me while snuggling) and you end up with a really enjoyable night.

What does “good in bed” mean to you?


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8 responses to “Good in bed

  1. Juuuuulia

    Will it mess up anything if you find out he thinks of that night as “winning at sex”, as you’ve mentioned he does sometimes? Like he frames it that way either to you or to someone else.

    • I’m sure he does/will think of it as “winning”…but I find I don’t mind that much because he actually did do very well for himself. When he would brag to me about previous conquests I assumed he was full of shit.That’s what would really bug the hell out of me: if he did indeed turn out to be a mediocre fuck but I knew he was telling people he’d made me scream in ecstasy, swing from the chandelier, etc.

      Oh, and it’s important to note that he never named names when telling me his douchey sex stories, so I assume he won’t use my name, either, if he adds me to his conquest narrative.

      And so far his smugness levels with me have been tolerable. So I think I can deal with this. 🙂

      • Juuuuulia

        So it’s not weird that he didn’t act like “winning” when he was being whimpery and snuggly and supposedly genuinely vulnerable and suddenly it becomes about winning for some reason? I find those really hard to reconcile. ^_^

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