Had Christmas dinner at my friend Red’s place, along with some other people who weren’t spending the day with their families for whatever reason (all night I was privately thinking of Red’s apartment as The Island of Misfit Toys…). Red and her girlfriend set up some fondue pots and put out packages of thinly sliced raw chicken, beef, and pork, and we each cooked our own slices of meat one by one, which was super fun. There was a shitload of other food, too. I brought chips, dip, and a huge thing of chocolate truffles, and someone else brought a huge grocery store chicken caesar salad, and someone brought booze and someone brought candy and someone brought ice cream…good times.
There was one awkward note, though. One mutual friend present mentioned that Red had had a gathering a little while ago that devolved into total sexy debauchery – essentially, everyone there ended up giving The Renaissance Man lap dances and at least one person made out with him and somehow the floor became littered with shed panties. It must have been one hell of a night because the couple of Misfit Toys who had been there kept bringing it up and giggling over it.
Frankly, I was kind of confused as to why Red’s core group of friends all seemed to have been invited to this Debauchery Night except me. And then I pieced together that Minx was there. Probably he’d been invited first and then Red realized it might be weird having me there, too, so she didn’t even tell me about it. And that makes me feel a bit betrayed – although I don’t entirely have a right to.
On one hand, all of these people were my friends first, so being excluded in Minx’s favour really stings. And come on, couldn’t they at least have told me about this thing and given me the option of going?
On the other hand, it’s not like Minx beat me or anything; the two of us weren’t getting along well for the last few months of our relationship but he’s not a bad person who should be shunned. Also – and I think this is the key factor in this whole thing – Minx’s new roommate is a friend of Red’s. I’m guessing she wanted the roommate to come to her get-together and would have felt bad not inviting Minx as well. And then, I guess to avoid upsetting me unduly, Red opted not to even mention this thing to me rather than letting me know she was having a get-together and had asked Minx before me.
And hey, to be honest, I probably wouldn’t have had that much fun at Debauchery Night (even if Minx hadn’t been there); I have social anxiety and am not a big drinker, so when alcohol-motivated shenanigans bust out around me I usually just end up feeling awkward and lonely and kind of old.
So I’ll probably send Red a Facebook message clarifying how I feel about her juggling friendships with Minx and I at the same time*, but other than that there’s nothing I can do about my hurt feelings but ride them out.
For the record, the thought of being at the same party as Minx makes me almost have a panic attack right now. It’s the combination of me being lonely and him being familiar and (probably) still attractive to me and yet I fully realize now what a shithead he was during a good chunk of our relationship. I’m afraid I’ll end up snuggling or making out with him, which I feel he doesn’t deserve, dammit. I want him to long for me and know that he can never have me again. Of course, he might not be experiencing any feelings of longing at all – which is another reason why I’d just as soon not see him. The only thing worse than caving and making out with Minx would be trying to make out with him and being rebuffed.
In other, happier news, I just ordered myself some sexy presents online. First off, I got a flesh-coloured semi-realistic silicone dick. My other dongs are all pink or purple, which was ideal back when I was looking for stuff to insert into my vagina, but now that I’m more often on the giving end I want a dick that feels like an extension of my body – I want something more real to look at when I shove my cock in a dude’s mouth. BEHOLD MY PENIS, INTERNETS!
I also got some lingerie sized to fit a tall, skinny boy. The online sex store has shitloads of crotchless panties and it occurred to me (astoundingly late, considering I’ve been a drag hag for like 20 years) that this might just be the perfect solution to my age-old problem of how to dress a boy in panties without his junk being all weirdly mashed up – he can just let it hang out the crotch-hole. I got this amazing pair of backless crotchless panties that package the wearer’s ass like a glorious present, and this frilly pink crotchless panty/garter thing, and this pair of stockings (it’s not clear to me whether they’re stay-ups or require a garter belt, which is why I got the previous thing). I’m thinking I’ll probably demand that The Doll model these items for me (eventually, when we’re on more of a naked basis). If it never feels like the right time for whatever reason, well, a size small/medium will fit just about any dude with the kind of build I like so I’ll squirrel it all away in my drawer for guests.
Gotta say, I really really love the idea of making The Doll suck my cock. It’s extra exciting because I know it wouldn’t be his first time – I’d be watching him do stuff that has actually made other guys come. RAWR.
*To wit: I’m fine with the two of them remaining friends, and in future I encourage her to invite the two of us to the same events if she wants – as long as she tells me he might be there so I can decide whether or not I want to deal with him.