So I finally decided that agonizing over meeting The Doll’s parents is pretty useless and I should get some fucking ovaries and ask The Doll about the significance of this invitation.

I wrote him on Fetlife, basically explaining what I said in the last post (that I don’t put any significance on people meeting my parents, but in movies and tv shows people totally do, so I never know what to think of such an invitation).  I was careful to try to frame it like “…so, what does this mean to you?” rather than “…so, I hope you don’t think we’re all serious n shit because I am so not ready for that” – honestly, I was pretty sure he’s not orchestrating this meeting because he thinks we’re on the cusp of getting engaged or whatever, ergo there’s no need to be all reactionary.

It’s a testament to The Doll’s awesomeness (and kind of to my willpower, too) that I wasn’t especially anxious in waiting for him to reply.  He seems grounded and approachable and it seems like he likes me a lot, so I’m  beginning to get a bit comfortable (KNOCK ON WOOD) and trust that I can talk to him about stuff and he won’t be easily scared off.  And indeed, he wrote me the most perfect reply ever: he said he thinks the “meeting parents is a big deal” concept is a holdover from the courtship era when people needed permission to marry – but for him, it’s just that his parents have so often become friends with his friends that it seems only natural to give me that opportunity, too.  Like, “Hey, amazing people I know, here is another amazing person I know.  Perhaps you will all be enriched by meeting each other.”  And then he calmly segued into some descriptions of gender-bending anime series I might like.

I love that he answered my question completely at face value without reading anything into it.  I love that he then wrote me a bunch of other random stuff, clearly indicating that he wasn’t put off by my question and sees it as just one more step in the process of getting to know me.

And I guess this is why I keep hanging in there through the awkward silences: when I get a peek behind the curtain of pleasantries to who The Doll actually is, I like what I see.  Maybe it’ll take a while for our conversations to progress from mostly-small talk to mostly-deep talk – which is completely understandable considering he’s probably not used to opening up to new people (37, never had a girlfriend, most of his friends seem to be people he met in college) – but my sneaking suspicion is that it’ll be worth it.

I’m definitely gonna probe for more info re: the whole “never dated anyone before” thing, though.


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  1. ARC

    He seems like a hell of a catch, but what with the post-breakup headspace, you don’t quite know if it’s the right time for it. Have you explicitly told him that you may need to take it slowly? If he’s never experienced that it might not be super-intuitive. If you do need more time, he’ll probably understand if you explain it to him.

    • I’ve been framing our interactions from the beginning as “no pressure, no expectations, just getting to know each other and seeing where it goes” and I once postponed an outing with him because I was suddenly seized by breakup sadness I needed to work through (and told him so). But I don’t think I’ve explicitly told him “I need to go slowly because I just broke up with someone.”

      I’ll probably try to explain it a bit more blatantly at some point, since a bunch of shitty breakup feelings have been overtaking me and I’m not sure how bad it’s gonna get.

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