I did a craft fair on the weekend (and made a profit!!!) and for once The Pedant actually dropped by. He always says he’ll “try to make it” to these things but never has, and I began to think he was just bullshitting me. But he came, and initiated a nice kiss hello, and bought some stuff (from me and another vendor), and hung out at my table for half an hour or so. When he went to leave, I kissed him goodbye but that turned into four or five kisses because every time I went to break away he’d grin goofily at me and come in for more. I don’t know how long we would’ve ended up kissing if I hadn’t finally definitively backed away (craft fairs are essentially my work. I don’t want to be kissing someone extensively when I’m at work).
It felt a bit weird to be kissing The Pedant after having had such an intense time with The Doll. Especially since I’m pretty sure I like The Doll better, both personality-wise and makeout-wise; my lifelong monogamy training is telling me I need to choose just one boy, and that it’s obvious who I should pick. But I’m still definitely attracted to The Pedant (btw when it comes to day-to-day presentation, The Pedant’s black leather and stompy boots win out over The Doll’s weirdly unflattering pleated pants every time) and both guys know I want to be nonmonogamous, so I’m doing nothing wrong here.
I do feel that I should tell The Doll about The Pedant, just in case my silence about other boys has lulled The Doll into a false sense of security. When I was younger and casually dating, I had a lot of issues with guys assuming I was only seeing them – even though I told them I was “dating around” or whatever – and then getting all pissed off and disillusioned when it came up that I did in fact have someone else on the go. I don’t want that to happen here. So I guess at some point when I see The Doll in person I’ll tell him all about the craft fair and mention that The Pedant came to visit me there.
It’s complicated though because I don’t want it to look like I’m rubbing The Pedant in The Doll’s face or expecting The Doll to freak out – ideally, I’d get my point across casually, like I was just giving him a rundown of my day: had a productive day at the craft fair, was visited by a dude who I kissed a little bit, went out to dinner with High School Friend after the craft fair, etc. But my relationship to The Pedant is not easily summed up, so I’d have to go into this big convoluted explanation that would put way too much focus on the kissing (“remember how I told you my ex and I had a monogamish relationship? Well, I started seeing another guy during that time and we still see each other on occasion and usually make out, and he came to see me the other day”). Referring to The Pedant as my “makeout buddy” solves my storytelling problem, but makes it sound as though The Pedant’s status is set in stone – which will be awkward if/when he and I go further than making out.
BEING POLY IS HARD.
Anyway, when I got home from the craft fair I had a FetLife message from The Hedonist. I hadn’t heard from him since the day we hung out about a month ago (despite my writing him a “thanks for today, I had fun” message right after). Frankly, I wasn’t offended by his silence and didn’t even interpret it as a rejection per se; he’s married with two kids, several girlfriends, and I’m assuming some sort of day job as well, so he’s busy. I guess I just kind of figured that he and I would have the kind of friendship where there are long gaps but you always pick up where you left off without rancour*.
But he wrote to me apologizing profusely for his silence and telling me he really enjoyed hanging out with me and would be up for doing it again (with possible makeouts!). And he gave me his email address and phone number. So that’s flattering, although The Doll is frankly taking up a lot of my focus these days and I don’t really want to start up anything new until things settle a bit. I’m gonna wait a few days and then email The Hedonist some small talk to stall him a bit.
Meanwhile, I got two random friend requests last night from FetLife subs (gross dudes whom I immediately blocked) and a message from some crossdresser my friend Red allegedly referred to me (I don’t know why she would do that…I’m trying to remember what I’ve told her about The Doll…she may not realize how infatuated I am right now). And I’m writing back and forth with another FetLife crossdresser on whom I have a pretty massive crush, but he’s long-distance so I’m not wanting or expecting it to be anything but pen pal flirting. At any rate, I feel a teeny bit inundated with dudes lately and it’s weird.
In other news, The Doll consistently refers to a future in which we’re still seeing each other, and I really like it. The last time I was single, I found that most guys didn’t talk about anything beyond the next couple of days, but The Doll will nonchalantly say things like “Oh, my friend won’t be at the play party after all. He’d like to meet you, though. Maybe the next time he’s in town [which would be at least a month away].” It’s comforting, having this little stream of reminders that he likes me and doesn’t anticipate this changing. Especially since I’ve begun to open up to him a bit more instead of trying to be the perfect, always-happy Stepford girlfriend. I haven’t scared him off! In fairness, he’s also opened up to me and I haven’t run off. Not everyone would be comfortable dating a dude who’s sucked cock before**, for instance. So we’re each learning about some of the other person’s weirdnesses and so far we still like each other, and that’s awesome.
I really hope the nonmonogamy issue doesn’t fuck this up.
*This is assuming there was a friendship to begin with. I didn’t take his silence as a rejection, but I didn’t assume we were definitely going to see each other again, either; I was gonna give him a “booty call” of sorts the next time I needed a hot boy to pose for a painting and see if he responded.
**He’s also drunk urine. Just FYI.