This afternoon I was heading out to see a friend and halfway to the bus stop I bumped into Minx, on his way home from work. We did the “fancy meeting you here, ha ha” thing and hugged and kissed and he told me that it had taken him a second to register that it was me walking toward him because he was too busy looking at my boobs.
I was like “Wait…you were checking out my rack before you even realized who I was?” and he sorta froze like he thought he was in some kind of trouble (which is weird because what could I be mad about? I know he checks out other women. I’ve told him he can make out with one as long as he asks first!) but then admitted that, yeah, that was indeed the case. And I was thrilled.
A couple of Minx’s ex-girlfriends have, at one point or another*, screamed at him that looks shouldn’t matter and he should like them solely for their personalities. If that’s really what they want**, more power to them; personally, I want a guy who loves my personality and thinks I’m hot. If a partner said that my looks were completely irrelevant to him and he was all about my beautiful soooouuuul, I think I might have to break up with him.
The fact that my boyfriend was mesmerized by my boobs even when he didn’t realize they were mine makes me profoundly happy. He’s not just with me for my mind! He likes my body, too! He’d like my body even if I weren’t in it! I am a sexy, sexy object! W00T!
*By which I mean the point when he first saw them in person and realized that they were much more overweight than the pics on their dating profiles let on. It makes me sad that they misled Minx and then laid a guilt trip on him instead of just posting accurate photos in the first place. Maybe the accurate photos would attract fewer men (or? Maybe just as many men as before but from a different demographic. I know tons of guys who like unskinny chicks), but the men who did make contact would actually be interested
**I don’t believe for a moment that Minx’s exes actually wanted to be loved for their minds and nothing else. Do you think Minx would’ve gotten that same guilt trip had he given one of them a compliment? ( “Don’t you dare tell me I’m beautiful! Looks shouldn’t matter!”) …Rather, I think they assumed that nobody likes fat chicks and if they wanted a boyfriend they’d have to get one via coercion.
Too cute !
Why would someone want someone who found them unattractive to date them? o.O Is this related to this whole meme monogamists have about how if you let someone fuck someone else they might leave you?
Well, these particular chicks had self-esteem issues and probably didn’t think dating someone who found them attractive was even an option. Plus I bet they thought Minx was super-hot and didn’t want to let him get away…which really heightens the irony of the “Looks don’t matter” speech.
It’s not that people want people who find them unattractive to date them. It’s that most girls (et al., probably, but I can only speak for girls) are very strongly convinced that there are parts of us that are just *wrong.* We may like our legs OR our boobs OR our asses or whatever, but we can’t like everything. There has to be some part of us that’s wrong–and I don’t mean unconventionally unattractive but still likeable (because not everyone likes the conventionally unattractive). I mean just completely wrong.
By that logic, if our partner has eyes, sure, they might like the legs/boobs/asses part. But, far more crucially, they will be completely and irredeemably put off by the wrong part. So any reminder that our partner does have eyes and can see our good points automatically comes with the much stronger reminder that they can also see our flaws. And maintaining the suspension of disbelief that our partner has no eyes is sometimes preferable to that.
Yes! This. You said it better than I did.